Pits of Depression

2012-02-15T02:15:00.000+08:00

I told myself I haven't updated in ages so I should write something. Then I reread my posts and realized I just posted something a few days back...now I'm lazy. XD

Wellllll... I'm starting Uni in 5 days time. I'm beyond excited. Hahaha anyone else who lives online (Shu Whey, Aisyah, Li Chin) will probably testify to that. Haha (What to wear? What bag to use? Should I wear makeup? Should I hang with my old college mates on the first day or attack the friendship pool?) Haha yea...it's times like these I feel like a girl...finicky. Lolz... Still really excited though. One week has never passed any slower. Haha give it a month or two, I'd be begging for classes to end.

(I have no idea what the hell is wrong with the Iphone 4 but I am going to kill someone soon)

Wow...Monash University student. Still can't believe it. I mean I'm 20. I don't feel old. Then again most, if not 99% of my friends already started Uni. I still can't believe it... I don't know what to expect honestly. I love how A-Levels was such a balance between school and uni that it may not even feel that big of a leap. Good god, projects... I really hope there are alot of group work because I may never remember to complete them on time. Nonono I bought the diary JUST so I can be more organized. List my to-do list and follow it. I'm not gonna screw med-school. Too pricey.

(I'm starving. Why didn't I eat dinner again? Right...because I had lunch at 4/5. X/)

I'm even considering getting proper contacts and wearing them everyday...But I'm so lazy. I dunno whether it's because mine are korean made cheap knockoffs but my eyes are so tired by the end of the day. And if I dun wear them everyday, I really hardly ever touch them. I mean of course everyone looks better without glasses...but still...lazy. I don't think I look that different with or without glasses but of course I've memorized my face, of course I won't think that.

Ok I admit, there is a reason (other than laziness) why I'm not keen on wearing contacts and make-up (during the first week at least). For this I blame Taylor Swift or at least similar movies/videos etc. I'm not gonna maintain the makeup that's for sure. Lazy is not even begin to cover it. 2 weeks at the most. Y'know when you are used to seeing someone dressed well all the time and suddenly they don't it's like woah, what the hell happened? Vice versa for those who hardly dress up and suddenly do, it's like they clean up nicely. I dunno if I'm getting my point across but yea big reason why. In college it was fine cause my group of people wore glasses and didn't wear make-up so I fit in. I don't know what kind of friends I'm gonna make. Besides a certain friend of mine (who shall not be named but she knows who she is) wears makeup to college daily now...I kinda feel if she does it then why the bloody hell am I not. Haha...yea don't follow other people and all that shit but I dunno. Contacts or no contacts. Makeup of first 2 days or no makeup.... Decisions Decisions.

(Now I'm sure I'm hungry not bored. Too lazy to make something to eat. No CNY cookies left either... Yikes)

Haven't gotten any news from Maxis yet. I think I didn't get it. You can tell how selfish I am by being glad it didn't clash with my orientation week... Maybe I was a little over-confident. I kinda expected to go to the second round at least. At least even if I didn't get it then, it would mean that there simply are people better than me instead of me not being good enough. Stupid stupid stupid. The worse part is I can't think what I did wrong. I thought I did pretty well. I answered all the questions. Only stumbled at the change malaysia question. I asked her did how could I improve myself, she couldn't give me an answer so I assumed it meant I'd done well in her books. I guess I'm just not as good as I've been led to believe.

(My elbows are raw. i wonder if it's because they've been rubbing the leather for so long. I really should move.)

Well I guess that's it then. If I'm not sleepy I'd probably post something about orientation. Though I'd probably forget about it. The first day seems pretty boring but it's the second day I'm looking forward to. Feel a bit weird about choosing my own timetable tho...or med students may not have it since we are not that big of a batch. I mean tutorials and lab, we are assigned so maybe thats the timetable we get to decide. Yikes, so not confident with my choosing abilities. Haha knowing me, I'd probably choose the times none of my friends go to. Ok then guyz, ciaoz.

2012-02-03T20:55:00.000+08:00

Had an interesting convo about religion yesterday. Realized I sounded like an atheist. Haha I dunno why I said what I did. Secret thoughts or words of someone trying too hard. It wasn't even choosing the opposite side of the argument either cause it was a balanced side. Not even a debate, just venting.

"I think the world would be better without religion."
Paraphrasing of course but something like that. Of course it was the extremists on my mind but not my sole concern. Is this related to my anti-homophobia? Perhaps. Religion may not be the origin of homophobia (I don't think Buddhism is anti-homo but I've met many homophobes from there) but it's an excuse as well as a body to spread it.

I don't even know how I feel about the big man upstairs really. I don't think I anti-him. I'm not even sure if I disbelieve he exists but not in an agnostic sense. I dunno how to describe agnostic other than apathy about the big man and I think I'm too (as my horoscopes say) opinionated to rely on apathy. I don't like the whole there is nothing after you die thing which is honestly more depressing for me than hell is. (Not saying I'd prefer hell mind you. I can't even stand a puny needle)

Maybe it's cause I'm so used to being religious. I mean I don't think i was ever a mindless drone really. (Thanks to Prince of Egypt I always hated that particular story and my God could not possibly be like that.) But I dunno... when something scares me (which is alot since I'm up alone at 3/4 most nights) I make the sign of the cross and a small prayer but... I honestly don't know how I feel about the whole thing.

I still identify myself as a Catholic I guess... but I'd probably call myself an Agnostic just because of the indecision even if that doesn't accurately define who I am. I think with or without religion I'm still the same person. Even during my 'religious' stages I never really thought, I'm not gonna have pre-marital sex because God says so but because it's not me, not my culture and not what I believe in. Even after I heard the whole no condom thing, I was like que sera sera, it's an odd rule after all.

I think people worry too much about what the big man upstairs think. I guess it's not necessarily a bad thing, some actually try to be a better person because of it but I think it's really tiring mission. To get into the pearly gates I mean. I dunno, there's already enough of this life to worry about than to worry about the afterlife as well.

The problem about religion is that there is no one you can talk to about this. A religious person will try to convert you or tell you what you are doing wrong, same with Atheists(except they'll tell you, you are right on the road to sanity). The extremist of both batches hate each other so much but they have so much in common. Even agnostics I have tried to talk to haven't helped, and religion is such a sensitive subject that you can't say the wrong thing.

What if I choose not to care about the big man? Does that make me a hypocrite? Refusing to go to church because I feel nothing there but making a sign of the cross for comfort. I went for a couple of months being unreligious to a couple of months being religious. It was definitely less confusing then. I don't even scoff at the ridiculousness of the bible anymore I just don't care about it. I feel defensive when people attack catholics or even the pope but I can't help feel it's more of a reflex action or like it's a personal attack on me. I dunno...I'm so confused.

I don't love him.
I don't hate him.
I don't believe he's there.
I don't believe there's no God.
But I can't bring myself not to care.

2011-12-15T16:31:00.004+08:00

List of things to do:-
1) Write a resume
2) Find my cloak
3) Paint my mask
4) Upload my certs
5) Watch Phantom of the Opera

And all these must be done by TOMORROW!!!!!! I'm screwed aren't I?

Second Vlog Oops

2011-12-14T01:40:00.000+08:00

Heya so as you can see I'm posting my second video. Actually I'm quite interested to do this permanently so watch the vid and let me know whether I should change my style or will I start losing viewers. (I'm hungry) Er it's half the length of the previous video thank god. Conclusion, stick to only one or two topics. (But I just had a Mamee Mee) Er the lighting is pretty bad in this but I think it's my sucky webcam. (I really wanna eat T_T) So enjoy...I hope.

GAH!!! IDIOT it's CHOLERIC NOT CHORELIC!!!!!

PS Gah I'm depressed tgwtg.com has been down for ages T_T

PSS Btw http://www.fighunter.com/?page=temperaments This is the site I was talking about in my vlog if anyone is interested.

First Vlog

2011-12-12T23:45:00.000+08:00

Hey guys I wanted to try my first vlog. If you don't know what that is it's a video blog. I haven't updated in ages and I wanted to give you the feel. So if you watch it please let me know what you think. Whether I should continue with that style or go back...Erm I think I elaborated on it in my vid. Er the link is unlisted so pls don't start sharing out my vid. I didn't really 'pang leng leng' for this vid. Just how you'd see me on Skype. I think I watched the Nostalgia Chick too much cause I seem to be channeling her (with a British Accent). GAH!!! I dunno why my british accent always pops up when I'm recording myself. >< Haha ok I'm getting a bit of course. So just enjoy the video and tell me what you think.

Yea it's a little long. xD opps. Yea realize my expressions are all over the place. :) Ciaoz

2011-11-08T22:54:00.001+08:00

I didn't even know why I started thinking of it. It was over so long ago but it appeared in my head, that one question... What was the nicest thing I remember you doing for me? When I thought of the answer, it opened up a whole wave of emotions I locked up. No, not about you. I am already long over you. I think that is for the better. No but it reminded me of the time when you did that nice thing. I think I locked up memories of that time. I always try to forget everything or maybe I just have a bad memory. XD :( But I guess even I have to admit it is probably in the running for worst period of my life.

I don't know which feels worst, the fact I never expected anyone to care for my feelings like you did or the fact that I kinda hoped that there would be more... Nah I'm being selfish... Why would anyone care about little old me? I tried not to think about it then. Who was on my side? Who supported me? I can only name one person with complete sureness. Why? No, no the question is why am I disappointed? I expected this. For months I braced myself for the same conclusion...so why do I feel so betrayed? Am I selfish?

Nah this was a very long time ago... I should be putting this all behind me. Erase the song 'Girl Next Door' from my phone and carry on. I have the Tea Party right now. I'm happier now. I know they'd stand by me no matter what.

"LIAR!!!"

(looks away) Yea...Alucia's right...I'm lying to myself. Put them in the same situation...I'd be left on my own again. It's not their fault believe me...but is it really mine? Why am I so worthless? It's not like I'm unhappy with the outcome but...these were the people I called my friends...I don't...

Haiz...I dunno what else to say... It's just bad memories coming back to haunt me but... I really tried to forget it, honest I did. Just sometimes, something reminds me of it...and things just go bad. Haiz and I was in a good mood too. Oh wellz I dun have much else to say...Just let me go ponder life for a while. :(

Nightz

Konbanwa!

2011-11-05T02:41:00.000+08:00

こんばんわ。わたしはシャーメインです。どおぞよろしく。わたしはマルシアじんです。はじめまして。これわわたしのブロッグです。ようこそ。

And that is the extent of the Japanese I know. Haha no don't look at me like that. Not the writing, that's just the Mac. I just type 'ko' and this appears こ. But I've gotten the Hiragana pretty down. I still have to check every once in awhile but I think I'm pretty proud of myself. XD Don't ask me about katakana though (the one I wrote my name in). I HATE it so much. They generally look more chinesey and I remember how to write 'ko' by neh that box that looks like mouth in chinese but one side is open (コ). Yea... unfortunately ro is a 'kou' (mouth) ロ.

Okok I know you all are looking at me funny. I can't speak chinese to save my life and I want to learn Japanese? Yea well...I kinda prefer Japanese. I mean anime is one thing but also Japanese has a very straightforward pronunciation. If 'a' is pronounced like this, it's always pronounced like this. Like malay. In terms of writing...ok I think it is kinda silly to have 3 different types of writing. I understand why but I'm sorry. It's pretty hard for an outsider to learn. Ok y I prefer hiragana to chinese characters is this, there is no relation through characters. Where else Japanese is a bit more like English where a sound is a character. 'Ha'は for example or 'chi'ち, they will never change. So for example 'hachi' (eight) is written like はち. Y'know instead of ハ where you are just supposed to remember it's 'pak' (sry i dunno how to write hanyin pinyin). So yea, I'm probably confusing you. But anyway, this brings me to my next problem...KANJI!!! We all know Japanese originated from Chinese and all that right so of course they have to use their words as well.... Just as I was complaining about it... >_> I mean hiragana can take up alot of space so to shorten it they use kanji. So ハ、instead of はち。T_T So basically I still kinda have to learn chinese...not modern chinese mind you...traditional chinese. T_T

But I did say I was gonna learn as much Japanese as I can for the rest of my holidays. Grammar is pretty straight forward but i'm still a little confused between kore and kono...and a couple other things. I'm so glad I have Aisyah to bug whenever I need help/answers. xD And of course somebody to practice Japanese with. So wish me luck. Who knows? If I actually learn Japanese enough I might actually learn Chinese to improve my kanji. Haha Oh well

オやすみなさい、みんあさん。

2011-10-12T03:35:00.001+08:00

When I first watched Son of the Mask, I felt a strange attraction to Loki.

When I first watched Spy Kids, Floop intrigued me more than the main characters.

I have rewatched both movies and they are very very meh movies but I have finally figured what the hell was up with those two characters. Alan Cumming (haha another Alan) Damnit, like so many actors I like, he is majorly underrated and underused. The thing that surprises me though is he is not conventionally handsome/hot but see him act once and see the sex ooze off that screen. I dare you to say he's not hot after. It's like you have to watch him cast a spell over you first.

Other than the above two incidents, I have never heard, nor cared for Alan before. A couple months ago, I heard about Broadway Backwards which basically switches around male and female roles in musical numbers. I first watched Neil Patrick Harris sing Take Me or Leave Me with his boyfriend. So anyway, I youtubed songs and found Don't Tell Mama. I was like ok don't know this song but I've vaguely heard the name Alan Cumming before. Oh he's the guy who played Nightcrawler, this should be good.

Damnit... Sex Appeal. *_* You don't see much of it from men. I mean the closest we probably get is Taylor Lautner tearing off his shirt and stare at Bella...Yea real manly... And damn those leather pants. Those were just (drool). Haha Ok I don't know how to explain it. Doh! Of course, like Adam Lambert, they just sell sex. I mean how many so-called hot celebrities do that. Justin Bieber...yikes... Not dissing him but no sex appeal at all.

Ok I know people are going to go out of the way to call me perverted on this but COME ON. Sex appeal is like a MUST for all female celebrities now. I just demand the opposite once in a while. Ok lemme just throw a few out from the top of my head, Bruno Mars, no; that transformers dude, hell no; hugh jackman... ok now Hugh Jackman does have sex appeal but... that's not really what I meant... He's Megan Fox, he's hot and sexual yes but he's no... oh I dunno... Jennifer Lopez. Maybe it's cause they're actors whereelse singers/dancers have to perform more. Dunno maybe that's the whole Korean singer craze, maybe they sell sex I dunno. All I see on tv are boy bands so yea...

Ooo getting way off topic. Well other than just projecting to the world I'm perverted, what else can I say? Men should wear eyeliner. Haha Ok this is more individual by individual basis but I haven't seen anyone who looks bad in eyeliner. I know there's a general consensus that guyliner=gay but I dunno...it just looks good. Gargh! I know I'm being nitpicky here but goddamnit! If you are gonna perform singlet/sleeveless/shirtless, shave your goddamn armpits. Gargh, I'm sorry...I'm not one of those weird people who are over nitpicky about hair or anything. I mean they are not major turn-offs or anything but damnit! Is it so hard to shave? I mean can you imagine Taylor Swift in a brilliant gown singing and then she raises her arms and gargh! This is not for normal people I don't expect much but you are on a stage, playing an over-sexualized man. SHAVE YOUR ARMPITS!!!

Haha ok this post is getting a bit out of hand. Haha sorry I'm sleepy but I'm waiting for the video of a critic making fun of If I die Young to load. Haha ok it's not a bad song, but I wanna see if he has the same problems with it that I did.

Oh wee, Robert Pattinson just came onscreen. X/ Another guy who probably doesn't shave. X/ What's up with that hair? Did he like forget to comb his hair in the morning or something? I'm trying to find his accent sexy but meh... It's just...meh. Haha sorry. After watching Alan, finding this person hot/sexy is much harder than usual. Haha ok I should go. I'm so proud of myself, I used Justin and Taylor Swift in my blog as examples and I never made fun of them, those talentless pieces of shit. XD

Ok listen, I have no problem with these two people, not personally but it's like Twillight for me. So many things just make me hate it that hasn't factored in the actual show/people. Ok I want to ask you something first, do you like any celebrity who isn't famous? Just think of one person, any person. And I mean really like them, not just a passing fancy. Are they more talented than the two people listed above? Chances are, they are. >_> Okok no more low blows. What does it feel that these people you like that are more talented than the above people are not even making half of what they get (or even worse). Ok let's just say music is subjective, fine. What about actors? From the back of my head I can name so many actors who are more talented than the girl who plays Bella Swan. So why is she making so much money again? It's irritating and sometimes it makes me so angry. (And I can't stand hypocrites, Robert Pattinson is fair target if they don't like him as well but if it's Justin who they like, I'm being mean. >_>)

Haha ok I should really stop around here. Two long posts on the same day. This is going to keep me from posting for a long time. KK then Nightz

PS: I don't see what's the big deal about Nasi Lemak 2.0. It's just a normal movie. Yea maybe it's better than most Malaysian shows but that is not saying much. The only thing I can say for it is it doesn't try to go for the whole racial stereotype that Singaporean shows are so fond of. (No they are not being racist, all races kena equal teruk but it's...old humour. You don't see (good) Hollywood movies making fun of black stereotypes anymore do they? {I like the random black dude though. You don't see enough of that in Asian shows}

2011-10-11T21:20:00.001+08:00

Hey y'all! Decided to update again even though I have nothing to write about. Haha I think these spontaneous writing works better... Whenever I feel like posting something, I arrange everything perfectly in my head and then I don't feel like writing anything after. Haha yea I've said this before. Don't want the people memorizing my blog to hold it against me. XD

Well let's see...just revisited Pottermore...It kinda sucks... I know it's like the beta version so we just have to wait until the next book comes out. The best things about it are the wand and sorting test (yea, u know i love these kinda things) and all the extra info JK puts about the book and characters. But that's about it, the so-called interactive online experience is not there. I'm not gonna put a review here and feedback I'll probably just comment on the site straight. It's free so I don't expect much but still after all the hype... BUT DAMNIT all that backstory for Proffesor Mc Gonagall is just AWESOME so yea that is worth the whole experience.

Hmn... what else..? Haha I am IN LOVE with the That Guy with the Glasses. Haha not literally but just he is awesome. I LOVE watching all his reviews. It's funny, entertaining and sarcastic. Most of the shows he reviews are shows when I was a kid or younger so the nostalgia value sure plays in. The rest of the group ain't half bad either but I still enjoy watching him the most, mainly as the Nostalgia Critic but hearing him review as himself ain't half bad either. The other guy, Pan? Pam? well something like that, only reviews musicals so yea, totally for me. He likes Repo as well!!! XD Haha and he reintroduced me to Nightmare Before Christmas. I think it's really scary though how easily it is for these reviewers to convince you how good or bad a show is...or maybe I'm impressionable... Haha anyway if you haven't heard of them, check it out. They are awesome.

Argh! This guy on tv is so irritating. If he show's the peace sign one more time...

Gargh! NEVER watching Final Destination again. I mean it's not scary or anything but I can get really paranoid and FD does not help! I had to mow the lawn (FD 4), try some weird electrocution health thingy (and the lady just had to leave the room). Yea can't think of more but I'm generally more paranoid than usual. I have already decided not to try (thanks to the FDs) tanning beds (meh, asians has a weird thought that the whiter the better so meh), eye laser surgery (ok i know what happened in the show is pretty impossible but even the 'standard procedure' just seemed so uncomfortable {shivers}) and acupuncture (ok that might have something to do with the needles but meh, still not doing it)

I am convinced this guy on tv is gay...........

Hmn... y'know what? I think I should stop doing promoter job and try an assortment of things. I'm actually excited for my next job and not so jaded and lazy as usual. Mwahahahaha That reminds me I should start reading up on Microsoft Excel... Haha Stupid Mac doesn't have Excel program... Meh...maybe tomorrow... Or I should just tell my mom my bros aren't studying. That would give me the computer for sure. Mwahahahahahahaha

Klar. Can't think of anything to write. Byez

2011-10-02T23:13:00.000+08:00

Too sleepy to update but if I don't update then I won't post anything. Decisions, Decisions...

Karma's a real bitch. But is it called Karma if you are punished before you commit the crime?

What happens when I'm bored with nothing but a labeller to entertain me? I decorate my pants with Repo! characters. Haha I'm bored, sue me.

Just when I think a year younger is a alright to date, someone has to prove me wrong...

Why is it the people telling me off for being too lazy to work are people who has never tried working... There's only one person I allow to rag me on not working and she works everyday...

Haha ok I know I summarized everything. I'm too sleepy to type anything in full...

Haiz in the end, as Yi min says...I'd probably end up working in a months time... Is there away I can record the suffering to remind myself NEVER AGAIN the next time.

2011-10-01T13:30:00.002+08:00

Ok haven't had time to update much this week. Err if I have the mood I'll tell y'all what's been going on. I don't have much time really to say much so just a quick update... Let's see...

Alright again someone beat me to the punch on writing about farewells. Damn them!... Haha not really... Actually am pretty relieved when someone does put those up so I don't feel obliged to writing one myself. I'm not really much of a feelly person. I rant... I don't write sappy things as most people who received letters from me can attest. I write emo stories but they're not my feelings. The closest I can write about my feelings are here in my blog and it's gotten pretty emotionless over the years. I'm not so much of a public person either. I really never noticed how secretive I can be until recently. (Blame horoscopes) But yea, don't really like broadcasting myself to the world. Again, this blog is about as open as it gets. Maybe it's cause I don't really treat it like telling people what's going on but really like a diary. A place to express myself. So yea, if you want emotional stuff go to Shu Whey's blog. That's her territory, not mine.

On a side note, I GOT MY FIRST REVIEW. Haha I'm overinvesting in this story man. Haha I know, 5th time I brought up my story. Haha I'll send ya a link if u wan, but I doubt it ;) Wasn't so worried really what people think of my stories but the actual fandom...well, ALOT. Haha sorry I was just terrified that Luigi is out of character and Pavi's a real bitch to write. So having the review say that they all seemed very in character was just a real pleasure. :) Haha

This is really well-written. The plot was perfect in length and I love your use of emotion. You kept each character actually "in character" while also adding some very human elements. It would make perfect sense for them to each deal with Rotti's and then Pavi's death in their own way because of their clashing personalities. On the other hand the way extracted the relationship between Amber and Luigi was done well and I love how they come together in the end. Being who they are, things can't be perfect but all in all, they make it through their pain. Outstanding work!

Haha ok so the best thing about this is I don't know her (ok I've seen her on Repo Boards but that's about it.) So she isn't obliged to tell me my story is good. (Believe me, if people had just told me straight that some of my stories really sucked it would have helped alot). So yea, it means ALOT to me. Here I am sitting in Popeye's for the third time this week and nearly squeeling my head off. So yea, thanks StiffKitty? Haha

Ok breaks nearly over. Really got to go. Ciaoz

Repo! the Genetic Opera

2011-09-22T02:10:00.005+08:00

Alright I'm doing it. I'm blogging about Repo!. Ok so I'm really bored but there are just some people I have to convince to watch (who are probably gonna skim or not read this post anyway :(. And btw, any of you who watch d Saw series (or Repo) and have Twitter, PLEASE, I repeat PLEASE follow Darren Bousman on twitter. The guy is hiding something from us and is not telling us what until he get more followers :( He's a tease...

Ok so what should I start with... The songs I guess...Ok regardless of what I have said about 17, there isn't a single song on Repo! I hate. Bored, maybe but not hate. I used to dislike Chromaggia but damn, Sarah Brightman is talented. Ok at first I wanted to list all the songs in order but DAMN there's ALOT of songs. 22 total just on the soundtrack so yea...maybe not... Ok so I'll just list songs that stood out in (maybe?) a particular order. (this is going to end up all the songs, I know it >_>)

1) At the Opera Tonight - Ok who can not love this song. The song is just...EPIC. It has the whole cast singing (and it's d closest thing to a duet between Anthony and Sarah). Anyone who watches musicals/operas would know this as the song before the storm and damnit I think the only musical who can beat Repo in terms of epicness is One Day More from Les Miserables. (Believe me, I've recorded myself singing all the parts (Repo Man gave me a sore throat) IT'S EPIC!!!

2) Mark it Up - Ok you knew I'd put this here. In Terrance's words, it's essentially the introduction to the Largo children and if any of you have been to my Tumblr, you'd know the Largo brothers are my favorite characters. So yea, anyone who knows me know I never go for the comic relief but when the comic relief is a murderer and a rapist...well I guess there's something appealing about it. More about this when I talk about the characters later :D (you knew I would). So anyway, there's just something so over-the-top and funny about this scene that keeps me coming back for more.

3) Night Surgeon - Another song that is just plain epicness. Like Thankless Job, there's just something so disturbing and yet fun about people singing as they kill people. (Sweeney Todd was more detached, he wasn't enjoying the kill) Nathan was and Luigi looked like Christmas had come early. AND (haha you knew this was coming) it was the only time in the movie the Largos looked like they were having fun with each other. I am bloody serious. I mean besides the time they are pretending in front of a crowd, have you ever seen the Largos so civil with each other? Half the time, Rotti acts like he wishes he never had kids so yea, super refreshing.

4) Zydrate Anatomy - Ok this song wins major points for just being so bloody catchy. It was the first song I really liked and it was stuck in my head for ages. It's like a nursery rhyme. I mean seriously drugs have never sounded cooler. I wish I could say Paris' entrance spoiled the song but it didn't. Everything worked perfectly, even the surgery montage (and lesbian Genterns? xD jk (i think.)).

Ok I think I'm really going through all the songs now... haha Sorry... but the music is just that awesome. There isn't a single one I want to leave out.

5) We Started This Opera Shit - Ok I really love this song but it faded over time because it's sung mostly by the chorus so no major characters appear (and GOD did the Single Mother really have to strip? I mean seriously, no nudity throughout the show and suddenly BOOBS X/ I mean I don't really have such a big issue with it but why??? T_T) Ok that's over and done with, now why this song rocks. It's pretty much the Repo Army (Repo fans) theme song. TESTIFY has been our 'motto' and I dunno... it presents some pretty good reasons why GeneCo is not really a bad idea. (Ok let me clarify, I'm pro-GeneCo but anti-Rotti but more about that under characters :))

6) Genterns - Oh dear Genterns...Sigh...it's not even an official song and it 'introduces' us more to the Largo children. I have no idea are we supposed to find the kidz more despicable or likable but damnit they do really well as comic relief. The song is less than a minute? and yet it's catchy, likable and I can play it on repeat, repeatedly.

7) 21st Century Cure - Ok I like this song because of the meaning and how true it is even now. I mean esp with all the plastic surgery going on now Graves poses the question, "Would you change who you are if you could?" I mean seriously who has never considered this question before? "Your designer heart still beats with common blood". These are the things that draw me to this song. But seriously, you wanna enjoy this song. Listen to it, don't watch it. The graves, Shilo, GeneCops, all too distracting. Takes away from the song. Just listen to the meaning as it is.

Ok I think that's about it, it's not that that's all the songs that's good but I think that's all I wanna talk about... Hmn... I love the duets but there's nothing exclusive really to say about it. Chase the Morning/Everyone's a Composer/Come Back is just awesome if not epic. And I dare you to classify the genre of music that song is. I can't figure it out. It's songs like this that makes me wish I can sing three lines at the same time.

Infected and Legal Assassin are just perfect songs to sing along to. I esp love the last verse of Legal Assassin where I can go all crazy like. Haha I just love to karaoke to myself and these two songs are perfect to do so. Hmn... special mentions to Bravi which is also my ringtone and NO MATTER where I am, whenever my phone rings, people stare. I mean really stare, and I'm cursing in my mind trying to answer the phone as quickly as I can. :S

Oooo I think that's it... I just realized the Largos need more songs :S Haha I like Gold but damnit the guy who sang it for the stage play is just....i love his voice. I mean there was nothing special about it but damn! I just like the voice... Think that's weird? I'm also in love with the Italian language because someone (Pavi probably) sang that one line in Come to the Opera with Me in Italian and i think it just sounds lovely. Yea...I'm beyond obsessed.

Haha alright then...this post is getting long and I'm a bit sleepy so err I'll leave this post about songs and continue about characters next time. Haha please don't take this as an excuse to run from my blog. Instead WATCH REPO! and understand why I'm just so crazy. Goodnight everyone. :)
TESTIFY!!!!!!

2011-09-19T14:54:00.001+08:00

Boredom leads to depression, I'm sure of it. My brain is rotting. I can't believe I'm jealous at some people for studying. STUDYING!!! (Bangs head repeatedly) Bored! (Bang) Bored! (Bang) BORED!!!!! (BANG) Oooo I think I need to sit down for a while. Yea just in case I didn't get the point across I"M BORED!!!!!! I'm looking forward to a goddamned blood test just to fill up my day. I"M BORED!!!!!!!!

So anyway what else is new in my life...Hmn... my computer died on me. It's depressing not having Luigi greet me everytime I go online. I'm so used to it I think I'm facing withdrawal. >< My dad doesn't want to repair my laptop so yea bye bye...Should NOT have gotten attached T_T Stupid second hand piece of shit!!!

I'm obsessed with watching Sims dies.

Oooo I finally got the courage to post the story. No reviews yet though :S Ok fine, it's only been a couple of hours but still.... REVIEWS (hint hint, hint hint) So yea that's the extent of my life. So if you haven't gotten the hint I"M BORED!!!!!!! I HAVE NO LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!! X/ I don't even have the patience to write the posts in full. I feel so jumpy here. BORED

Ooo yea have I mentioned I HATE NEEDLES!!! Unless they are those gigantic ones I use for crosstitch that aren't sharp at all, keep them AWAY from me!!! I'm not scared of them or anything but seriously, keep them AWAY. X/ So yea I calculated, soon I'm gonna get a blood test: needle; than in about 3 months I'm gonna go donate blood: NEEDLES; which would then give me free Hep B injections: needles; and daddy dearest wants me to take d cervical cancer injection: Needles. That's 10 needles in all (I hope). WTF? NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

Yea ok that's all I'm posting. I'm BORED but too hyper? to post anything coherent. So erm...ciaoz i guess...

ASH WITH UNICORN CORE, TEN AND THREE QUARTER INCHES, UNYIELDING

2011-09-07T19:13:00.000+08:00

Unicorn hair generally produces the most consistent magic, and is least subject to fluctuations and blockages. Wands with unicorn cores are generally the most difficult to turn to the Dark Arts. They are the most faithful of all wands, and usually remain strongly attached to their first owner, irrespective of whether he or she was an accomplished witch or wizard.

Minor disadvantages of unicorn hair are that they do not make the most powerful wands (although the wand wood may compensate) and that they are prone to melancholy if seriously mishandled, meaning that the hair may 'die' and need replacing.

Funny, whenever I used to play pretend I always chose the Unicorn Core as well. :) Well the words I bolded stood out to me the most and I can't help but agree. I never really thought of being powerful in anyway but being consistent was important. Well, for melancholy, you only need to read my blog to get it and faithful well...hahaha

Unyielding, sounds fair enough like me. I was always told I was too stubborn. Haha oops ok they meant flexibility. Well I am unflexible as anything, believe me. I'm like a tree. Haha so yea, that's me

10 & 3/4s sounds a little short... I couldn't figure if I was average or tall for my age...so I put average... I have to reread all the other character's wand length though to figure just how short it really is. (Haha just found out Draco's was 10 so I guess it's an average size wand. Haha)

The ash wand cleaves to its one true master and ought not to be passed on or gifted from the original owner, because it will lose power and skill. This tendency is extreme if the core is of unicorn. Old superstitions regarding wands rarely bear close examination, but I find that the old rhyme regarding rowan, chestnut, ash and hazel wands (rowan gossips, chestnut drones, ash is stubborn, hazel moans) contains a small nugget of truth. Those witches and wizards best suited to ash wands are not, in my experience, lightly swayed from their beliefs or purposes. However, the brash or over-confident witch or wizard, who often insists on trying wands of this prestigious wood, will be disappointed by its effects. The ideal owner may be stubborn, and will certainly be courageous, but never crass or arrogant.

Haha what did I say about being stubborn? Haha I don't know how such simple questions managed to be so accurat but they are. The wand seems to suit me from the beginning and I don't know...never believed in the passing down of wands etc. Haha now I really can't wait for the sorting

It seems I have Cedric Diggory's and Charlie Weasley's wand. Hahaha

2011-09-04T05:38:00.001+08:00

Hi guys,
I have honestly no idea what to post about so I guess I just wanted to post a little update about my life. :) I couldn't really think of a specific topic but I wanted to post a little something. Initially, I wanted to write something about a parting I experienced last Friday but after reading Pik Ee's blog, I won't be able to do any justice to it. I just hope her happiness in a foreign land. I have perfect confidence she will not be alone there as she can make friends with total ease. Even so, I am here on Facebook or Skype if she needs someone to talk to. :) God bless.

Has anyone else tried the new blogger website? I mean this website but they updated things. It's so...white and clean. The last one was pretty similar to my actual blog so writing emo posts came naturally. Now it feels like I should be writing happy posts. Yikes Not my style but I promise this will not be an emo post. Just an update of what's going on literally in my life. There's not much to say really, as nothing is going on but I've passed that emo phase of my last two posts. It had to happen I guess, I couldn't resent that one fact forever.

Hmn...I still haven't continued working. That chick from the telechatter never called me back or replied my sms, I won't lie by saying I'm disappointed. I addressed the reasons for that in my last post so yea, don't need to bring that up. And me stopping work, I guess I'm lazier than I thought. I don't really want to continue though, I've got the experience I wanted. I mean I could always get more but I mean I've gotten the feel of it. It's not a new thing so I don't really want more. But it seems like such a waste of time. I sleep at 6 every night and wake at 4/5. I mean I'm online I guess but it is a real waste. I told myself since I have 6 free months, I'd actually go out and audition for a musical at KL Pac. Guess whether I tried anything? Sigh... I guess that's just me. :( I ignore all my opportunities and then emo about. Even so, it's too late to do anything about it so yea...I'm giving up.

Ok what next...oh yea I finally finished my stupid Phantom of GeneCo story (temporary title). Haha THANK YOU EUNICE!!! Haha she gave me the ending I desired which worked perfectly for me. I wanted to write a multiple ending story at first because I knew none of the endings would satisfy me. But Eunice found one that worked. I knew I had to kill someone off and I thought the dad was a sure goner but when I decided to make the dad not so bad after all I knew he had to survive and 'suffer'. It worked perfectly and so thank you for giving me that idea. It was a slight pain to write but it was worth it. If I ever have the confidence, I'd post it. :) So again, thank you Eunice.

In relation to that, I wanted to thank Andrew (Henecran) for helping to write a summary for my old story so I have no excuse not to post it on FF.net, even though I don't think you read my blog. I hardly let, well I wouldn't say stranger exactly but I barely know him, read my stories so when he actually gave me rather positive feedback, it really brightened my day. (And as you can see, I linked his blog, check it out, he's a pretty good writer.) The story is my new baby so yea, I think I would have been heartbroken if I got negative feedback. Haha sorry, I love to write and I think the compliments I got have been blowing up my ego a bit. :( Even so, I know I'm far from good and I really am trying to improve. If Monash has creative writing class, I would be super happy. Haha so anyway, I want to work out all the kinks in the story before I post it so if anyone would be sweet enough to volunteer reading, it would be awesome. :)

Haha speaking of Monash, I GOT IN!!! Haha ok I got the news a couple of days back and I dunno...I wasn't as happy as I thought I would be... Perhaps I was cocky, so I thought no problem. :( Definitely have to get that out of my system. Maybe I was still in my emo phase when I got it... I was relieved no doubt, cause I really dun wanna go IMU but not actually happy... Perhaps it was cockiness...I just wonder, had I really expected the results I got, would I have checked the box for applying for Monash Clayton. I think until now, I regret not doing so. I don't know what that would have accomplish, I mean I could go around begging for scholarships but I don't know why I'm not doing so for local Monash anyway... I don't think it would have changed a thing but until now I still regret not checking that box. I have no idea how it'd mess my local Monash chances but I still...regret... But then again...perhaps the feeling of getting it but not being able to go may be worse. Perhaps that's why I'm kinda glad LSE rejected me. I mean that's probably the school to be. Hahaha so much for being over my emo phase. A bit hard to forget about it since everyone is talking about it. Maybe I'm just comparing with the wrong people. I always expected them to go anyway. I think I just expected more for myself...

Hahaha see? Back to emoness... Hahaha No no no Hmn... let's see what else is going on in my life? I'm obsessed with horoscopes. Haha I know I'm annoying people by constantly asking their horoscopes but it's fun. :) I mean in terms of personality, it's super accurate and yet the 2 people who says that the same fact applies to them seem different in every way. Haha freaky right? I mean I was writing a birthday letter for my friend that day and was looking up our horoscope compatibilities on ideas on things to write. Haha I love the way they described our 'friendship'. Haha especially how we'd always argue who's the most dominant among us. The description solved the argument perfectly for me. Haha maybe I should show her the site one day. But yea, am loving horoscopes and I'm not gonna stop checking them out. I just found something out... :( I am incompatible with every member of my immediate family. My mom's an aquarius, dad's a libra, one bro's an Aries and my other bro's a Scorpio (which is either super compatible or super incompatible) Maybe compatibility leans more to love but it's just...sad... It kinda explains alot though...Sigh

Yea that's about it I guess... Am still debating with myself whether I should do a little post on Repo. XD Yea, I know everyone's bored of my talking about it. I just realised I never did do a post about Repo though even if my tumblr's full of it. Maybe I should do a full post then? Haha Ok, I'll compromise, I'll write a bit of how Repo is affecting my life now, and if I'm in the mood I shall do a full Repo post. :) Ok let's see, currently I'm not watching Repo as often as I used to cause I think I replayed the songs one too many times. Shhh don't tell the Repo gang on Fb. Even so, I seem more obsessed with Repo than a couple of weeks ago. Maybe it's the FB group, who are a wonderful group of people who are like me, spending their lives waiting impatiently for a sequel. Maybe it's the stage musical which I am virtually unable to find any info about but I am crazy obsessed with their songs. (Chase the Morning is bloody uplifting but the verses are way too draggy) Or maybe it's cause I managed to convince Li Chin to watch and like it, so now I'm more confident in asking other people to watch it. Maybe it's just my fanfics that are pulling me back into that world. Even so, I hope my obsession with Repo will last. I have noticed my obsessions fading rather quickly now and that's just depressing. Even so, I'm getting rather disillusioned about getting a sequel though...and that just gets me down. I'm trying my best though to trend #RepoOpera and I hope you guys would do the same. While Repo would always be Terrance's baby, he has Molting now and I guess he is moving on. I got into Repo pretty late though...most real fans of the show has probably given up waiting. I guess this obsession will fade over time if no news of a sequel is coming out soon but I guess until I give up my obsession on Bill Moseley (and/or Nivek Ogre) I would always be excited for a Repo sequel. I think the speed I move through my obsessions really depress me though. I mean I know of people who hold their obsession for years. Then again, I look back at some of my obsessions and wonder what the hell was I thinking. (I used to be obsessed with a pokemon for heaven's sake) But right now, even just thinking about giving up Repo and Bill just depresses me. (Haha see, emo again) Haha it's official, I must make it a point to post about Repo. Haha

Well, I guess I should really end now. It's nice to know I have finally gotten my original writing style back (probably around the time I wrote the piece about Michael Jackson's death?) Haha Maybe cause this is literal mumblings and not much emoness in it (well less than usual) and all the brackets I'm using. Haha it feels familiar. I think with tumblr and facebook updates, there's really less to blog about. And yet, this post is filled with everything and yet nothing. Haha it's refreshing though. Well alright then, it's 5.40 in the morning, I really should get to bed. Goodnight everyone (or for the more hardworking of you, good morning). :) Nice chatting with you. :)

2011-08-21T15:32:00.002+08:00

Excellent results

And for what?

People with half what I got

Are flying off soon.

Not fair

Never fair

They have the world at their fingertips

Holidays to Germany

Infinite number of classes

Having the excuse too lazy to work

Never fair

Heartbreak

Always believed studying hard was enough to fulfil my dreams

Years of suffering and toiling

And for what?

I'm still here

2011-08-20T00:25:00.003+08:00

Haha hey guys. Am back. Decided to try my friends Shu Whey's writing style in her chinese blog. Wonder whether it works well in English. XD

Feeling lonely
Can't really explain why
Even surrounded
Feel so alone

That's why
Would rather stay at home
In front of screen
Can hide from the world

Even so
Chat proves me wrong
Acting so distant
Irritated at me perhaps?
Forgive me
Don't mean to push
Sometimes don't want to lose friendship
You know?

Sometimes want to live in another world
Pretend to be a heroine
Have a prince by my side
But I do not like Love Stories
And I always die

Haha I like my hobby
Can't find anyone with similar taste
Perhaps it's embaressing
No one dares say
But it's nice
Alone in my room

Don't know why
Self-esteem in the drain
Even with good results
Beginning to regret the mere A
Kiasu maybe?
Should have studied better for Maths
I think that is biggest regret
My fave, last time
Should have made bigger impact

No one to talk to
That's why post lenghthens over time
Even if got person
Cannot release the feelings
Curse of the Bull
Never show feelings
Thought change
Perhaps still seeking attention

Want to look for job
After bad experience
Lost all will to do
Come home in tears
Never want to do again
Wonder whether parents will forgive
Let me do something else instead
But no will to spend money
Learn to cook myself
But will spoil weight plan
6 months of endless nothing
Become Tele-chatter to text men
Not my personality
But money is money
Job is job
Maybe can increase esteem
Learn to flirt...
Maybe should say no
Not that kind of girl
But job seems easy

Despotic, they call me
I think they are more
Pehaps don't know me?
No longer think true
Feel unheard
Opinionated
Perhaps better word
Feminist
Tomboy
Suit me more

Haha ok I better stop cause I'm going on forever. Haha kinda like this style XD Haha Shu Whey if you read this please don't be insulted by how bad this is. XD Not trying to make fun of you or anything. Haha and if anyone finds this funny, please remember I read the direct translation of Shu Whey's blog so yea XD

Terrified

2011-08-11T05:00:00.002+08:00

Bloody hell!!! I can't sleep at all. I don't remember being so scared for SPM or AS results. I'm really honestly...I can't even form a sentence.......one that's coherent at least. Maybe I should stay up until 8? I think I'm going to. I don't think I can sleep like this. My stomach is doing triple somersaults. My teeth were chattering in bed...I can't... I should stay up... but i can't stand waiting for the hours pass. I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die. I'm gonna be sick... I'm so scared T_T

2011-07-11T22:15:00.001+08:00

You know I'm desperate when I'm googling 'How to end a story'. T_T

The End!

2011-07-11T18:00:00.002+08:00

I just realized that the only thing worse than not knowing how to end your story is having 10 endings to it and not knowing which to choose. T_T I have to finish the story before I head off to Taiping or it's going to bug me to no end. Besides, the three days would be a perfect break time for me to come back and edit out the crap. Haha who asked me to so smart and rewatch Phantom of the Opera. The story just jumped at me and I didn't want to give it up. :S I really should stop torturing Luigi and Pavi though (and Amber to some extent).

T_T How to end? I already kicked out the Happy Ending (well it is the Phantom of the Opera after all) but even the bittersweet ending does not beckon me. Do you know how many ways there is just to reach the same end point? Help!!! T_T I only have until tonight to finish it or I may never sleep. I need to wake up early tomorrow. T_T

Silly Choices

2011-06-19T23:53:00.002+08:00

I have no idea whose bright idea was it to have a trip after the exams but I hate you (not really). Something I have noticed from SPM and even before is that exams pull people apart. Yea it's a sad situation for mid-year but I realize it was great for me for SPM because by the last day of exams, I wasn't as sad as I was during grad (which was way before the exams). I was used to not spending every day with the same people that I didn't even really feel the need to say goodbye. I think it somehow saddens me in a way cause it was these people that I never really bothered getting in touch with but at least it didn't hurt.

I guess I could say the same happened during A-Levels exams. I don't think I really had a longer than 2 minute conversation with anyone outside Tea Party. Then the trip came and everything was screwed up. Because we were close pre-exam, it was so comfortable to talk to some of them. I think I bonded to a few people that I only had awkward conversations with before (one of them thanks to the love of just soaking in the water). What's the point though? What's the point of forming new bonds that would only last a period of a few days?

Maybe I'm just being pessimistic, I would say realistic (or as Romeo calls it 'down to earth') but I have not much hope in seeing anyone again. I mean yes, even if we do keep to our once a year plan, it wouldn't be the same. No one would be that close anymore. Maybe the gangs would be with each other in some ways but that's it. Is it weird that i'm missing people outside my gang more than in? Maybe I optimistically believe that it would take a long time for Tea Party to break up (though recently I've had my doubts) and so I'm not so worried about that yet. To quote Shu Why, you can call any Tea Party member and say 'I miss you, let's hang out' but can't really say that to anyone outside without sounding odd. So yea... maybe I'm being both optimistic and pessimistic at the same time.

So yea, I'm just really out of it. I'm not going to say I'm gonna bawl like a baby 2moro cause it's hard to make me cry. Tear up, easy, but cry, no. Doesn't mean I won't miss everyone though. Lolz, if you are not the hugging type and I ask for a hug just let me know kay? I like hugs and am kinda a touchy feely person so yea. Just let me know if you uncomfortable, I won't mind. Cya

2011-05-28T17:53:00.002+08:00

:D Tumblr is bloody awesome. http://pitsofdepression.tumblr.com/ Haha I just followed my blogname so it's easy to find. XD Fell in love with it all over again. Just have to warn you guys about language cause I've filled my page with quotes from Otis from a movie who won an award for most curse words in so yea be careful. :)

Farewells

2011-05-25T21:05:00.003+08:00

Chemistry, I am honestly not ready to say goodbye to you. You have always been an interesting subject which I never really cried, 'I've no interest to learn this' (even inorganic now). I'm hoping that Medicine has enough of you to keep me satisfied. You will always be my favourite science and I will never forget you.

Maths, I will miss you very much. You have been my favourite subject since primary and I don't want to stop. Perhaps I shall give tuition in tribute to you because I can't see my life without you. Will this be a reason I regret joining Medicine? Perhaps, but I guess I can't do maths for the rest of my life and to be honest I'm kinda relieved vectors is nowhere in my near future.

Physics, good luck and good riddance. I used to like you once when you were more logical. Now you were the source of my feelings of utter hopelessness. I was ready to say farewell to you many times this year. If ever I considered taking Engineering, you have convinced me otherwise. I guess I have to thank you for that. I will not miss you. Farewell.

Bio, I have just begun to touch you (eww...sounds wrong) in both the near and far sense. A week more before I say goodbye to the A-levels you but hello to a harder you for another 5 years. Please be kind to me as I do not have the memorizing power you need. I have slowly begun accepting you as my companion. We were enemies once, but sometimes enemies make the best friends (I should know, {smiles in nostalgia}). So please do not betray me and make me cry because I will hate you for as long as I live even if you were my roommate. :(

Feelin' Chicken

2011-05-24T20:14:00.002+08:00

you're killing me with bacon, america
killing me with smog and taxes like axes in my neck
like hogs to the slaughter
what do i tell my daughters?
daddy's all heart but he's pushing bird way downtown
where the skin is brown and eyes are the size of the deficit?

you're killing me with bacon, america
just like the indians with tobacco and flour and fire water
balls, scabs, and rehab
sick in the blood face down in the mud
all hype and gripe and stars and stripes
ain't my flag today

i wanna belong, i wanna be proud
but your gay bashing voices are so fuckin loud
my choices shrinkin like bacon in the pan
spatter of hot grease spitting like mad geese
bombers and baghdad!
i am a college grad
but my life is a want ad

you're killing me with bacon, america
how shall i pray? the old fashion way?
down on my knees to the god of the weak?
or dig deep in my squeeze
wearing a red rubber nose clown clothes laughing as we go and saying something stupid like

I had to post this. Bill Moseley writes awesome poetry and while I'm not American I can identify with most of the lines. As you can probably tell from my tumblr and facebook, my favourite line is 'I wanna belong, I wanna be proud but your gay-bashing voices are so fucking loud.' It could just be my tagline. It says all I want to say if asked why I'm not as 'Christian' as I should be.

Bill Moseley/Nivek Ogre

2011-05-17T15:44:00.003+08:00

There goes my resolution on the only real life pairing I'd ship is RDJ and Jude Law. Haha too bad you can't see Bill's face in this. Haha these two are so adorable together. I watched a bloody crap show just to see these two act together again. Haha well the show was awful, these two were just awesome. Haha I have a feeling they'd know the appeal they have together. I don't see any other reason for the scene where Ogre had that smile on his face like he'd rape Bill. But seriously for a (rock?)star and a horror movie legend they are awfully humble in interviews.

I suck at titles and summaries

2011-05-14T01:24:00.000+08:00

Stupid blogger was down the whole day so I had to copy and paste this from word cause I was terrified I’d lose interest in writing out this post. Am so close to actually.

Well remember my last post about writing the story (which Blogger may or may not have deleted). Yea well two nights in a row while sleeping at 5 was what it took to finish it. I know I should be studying but yea, don’t feel so bad about it anymore.

When I wrote this story I knew I was writing another fanfiction story to suit my whim and fancy. What I never expected was what writing this story made me feel. Have you ever written or read or watched something that made walk away feeling like some part of you was lost or taken. I’m not talking about the serious kind when you break up or lose someone you care about. I can’t even explain the feeling really but that’s what I feel right now. I feel like writing that story took something from me that I can never get back.

I know it sounds over-dramatic or even some blatant attempt at promotion but it’s not. When I wrote the story I was this close to crying. I didn’t even do what most people suggested which is put myself in the characters position and write. I didn’t cause I just couldn’t imagine it, I didn’t want to. Yea Yea dear Charmaine has a heart, deal with it.

I had problems writing the character at first, I was convinced it sounded nothing like the original. That was when a voice whispered to me, ‘dude, the guy just lost his brother. Of course he’s not going to sound like himself.’ Boom immediately the words flowed from my hand. I stopped looking at him as Luigi the character, I looked at him as Luigi, the guy who discovered his dead brother sprawled on the floor. I stopped worrying about how he sounded, was he angry enough, did he even care?

I think this is one of the few times I wrote a story that I was so emotionally invested in. I think up to that I can only name 3, the terminator one (don’t ask), the abuse story I wrote for my exam (even this didn’t last long) and this. I have never cared so much about what was going to happen to the characters until now because I didn’t write the story, the story wrote itself and I was just the reader.

I think the first thing anyone who reads the story (if I ever decide to let anyone read) would say is, “These people are evil/horrible or something to that tone.” That’s because I’m not writing a story about a bad thing that happened to good people. I’m writing a story about a bad thing that happened to bad people and they still feel shit about it. I always hated the way (hong kong dramas especially) like to put the bad guys through shit towards the end, making us feel ‘hah, he deserved that.’ I wanted to write this story in a way that no one deserves that, not even if that guy is a murderer or just a mean-spirited fellow. I know not many people will agree as we can see on online comments “that rapist’s wife should get raped so he knows how it feels.” I have yet to agree or disagree with that comment but I wanted my story to reflect that bad people feel too.

Well that’s all I can think of writing. Am still feeling a little drained (ah yes that’s the word I was looking for) from writing the story. I can’t even watch any video with the characters (even a comedic one) without feeling worse than I already do. I think I really better get on with studying or I’d flunk my exams and really have something to cry about. Well good luck guys and ciaoz.

PS Aisyah I really want you to read this story since I think you’ve read all the stories that actually mattered to me. Haiz too bad I don’t have time to type it up and you are too busy with you’re exams. Oh well. Good luck then.

2011-05-13T02:27:00.000+08:00

OMG it's 3 in the morning and I'm not studying Chem, I'm not practising maths; I'm writing a God damned story that is already 10 pages long and counting. Why did I start? Why? Granted this may just be my best work but still. I have to study. Why does all my inspiration come during the exams? Why? I'm so gonna screw next week.

HAH! Take that self-deprecating voice! Take that!

2011-04-26T20:21:00.002+08:00

Hey guys. Wanted to take the time to tell you how much I appreciated what you guys have done for my birthday. I'm so sorry I've cause you guyz to waste so much of your study time. I know how much you guyz study and I'm so sorry and I really appreciate it. :)

I wanted to reply to your letters one by one but then I realized that I'd have nothing to write for the letters I'd swear I'd write to you all after A2. I'd just wanted to say that your letters made me grin in reminiscence and am touched by everything you have said. I had honestly no idea you had thought of me so or that certain memories had affected you in the way you described.

I love you guys so much and I dread the moment we will part. Spending time with you guys is the only reason I have decided not to apply for study leave because I don't want to waste any more time especially those of you who decided to flee the country. :( Can I kidnap you and tie you somewhere? UK is very far away. Singapore wouldn't be so bad.

I will never forget the last year and a half and all the memories we have shared. I pray we'd continue forging this memories even far in the future. Hey a girl can dream can't she? :D

ISAT

2011-04-23T16:21:00.002+08:00

Haha ok last thing to worry about before A2 is over. Now can concentrate on the stupid exam instead of goofing off and updating my blog...oh. Haha do you know we had to sign a non-disclosure contract. I mean seriously? Paranoid much. No wonder it was so hard to any information related to it. Didn't expect it to be so tough though... but i guess it could have been worst. By the 50th question I was begging it to end. No more no more. Me and Shu Whey were literally lying on the board separating us and doing the test like that. T_T Yikes. Thank god for the math questions. If not I think I'd have fallen asleep on the table already. Haha k lar I wanna go 'study' already. Ciaoz

2011-04-18T20:30:00.001+08:00

an anodyne makes you feel good

Just trying out something new. Hopefully this will earn me some money and increase creativity. :)

FAIL

2011-04-18T19:31:00.003+08:00

Mwahahahahahahaha I failed Physics. I'm so proud of myself it's my first fail. Hahaha I bet you all expected me to emo right? Haha I was grinning throughout Physics class and couldn't stop. Don't ask me why, maybe cause that's what I expected to get with only 3 studied chapters and me being sick on the same day. Expected to get at least 1 crapping mark for application. Haiz there goes my queen of crapping status. XD Haha overall my results were about expected, maths was a grade higher and bio about a grade lower. Doesn't matter I have very colourful results this time. XD

Okay so it seemed like ranting day on blogs in general (and some facebooks) so I decided to join them as well. Pet peeves about exam reactions that I can't stand the most:-

Post Exam: OMG I am so failing this exam. I would be so happy if I could just pass. Post results: Nooooooooooooo I got a C/D. Why didn't I get an A/B? Ok so I know most people don't really have a problem with this but I do. It irritates me to no end. I mean if you think you'd get a B after the exam just say so. Why do you have to go around saying about how much you'd fail if you didn't mean it? Seriously hope and expectation are 2 different things. I expected my Thinking Skills to be B, I hoped it would be A. I got an A, thank god but if I had a B after going around telling people I expected it, I'm not going to go moan about how sad it is I didn't get an A. Haha maybe said people just went around telling people they will fail because they don't want to seem cocky or something but meh same diff after.
A: So how much did you get? B: Low >_< A: What is low? 80? If I was B, probably this would cue me walking away. Ok nvm, sarcastic answer maybe? I told myself I would have said that. Luckily no one did or they'd face my 3 hour sleep grumpiness. Ok I'd admit I've done this once or twice but I try to do it to those irritating people who tell me the same thing just to let them know how it feels. However that fails spectacularly and it's like giving them a green light to go on with it. Hence me only liking to tell my marks to people of same standard cause they tend to be a little more realistic.

Yeap thats my 2 main pet peeves about examination results. I probably have a couple more that I haven't experienced yet for mock so haven't really thought about it. Am glad we are out of secondary school where kiasuness and getting positions are over. Haiz seriously some people can be really irritating, I hate it when the people who are not connected start making comments. Ex, CS: Wah, you know if blabla's chinese not counted you are only higher than 1 mark!

Gee thanks I feel so much better now. This is your problem why? >_> Yea yea thank god I was over the kiasu phase by then or else I'd get into a full-blown argument with him. Haiz

Haha alright then. Am going to sit in the corner and puzzle what the hell I did wrong in chem. It was about the grade I expected but a low grade. Need to find out why.

Zydrate Anatomy

2011-04-07T02:30:00.003+08:00

I was just reading it and then I wondered whether it was me you were talking about. I don't want to seem overly sensitive but sometimes you just have the sense of it and I do. I guess if you know I'm talking about you then it is true that you were talking about me. It's just the way it works. Is it wrong that I feel disappointed? I should have seen this coming from a mile away. Perhaps if this was a normal day I would have just apologized or ignored it but I'm too irritated and frustrated to care.

Perhaps if that's the way you really feel then maybe we should not remain friends because I can't change who I am. I am self-loathing by nature and I'm not doing it for attention. I'm sorry if you can't stand that but it's really not something I can change. I don't have time to go on and on and I'm not ready for a confrontation so I'm not going to say much more. I'm just irritated and I'd probably stop caring by the end of the week. If you weren't talking about me then I apologize for being overly sensitive and you can yell at me all you want. I just don't like 2-faced people and I was just growing to really care for you. Maybe I was wrong as usual and the feeling was just one-side? It doesn't matter I guess, I'm used to being alone and as they say Status Quo is God.

2011-03-25T23:26:00.003+08:00

Wah so fast a new post not bad. XD Haha that's so my style. I think you guys can wait another 3 months for the next one after this.

Truly I just want to rant but the things I want to rant about, well I never know if they will read my blog and I don't want them to get angry or hurt or guilty. I think it's my fault really for not learning the language but I'm not going to kill myself over learning it now. I mean there are so many more languages I WANT to learn why not waste my time doing that. It's not their fault lar really it's mine. My codependent paranoid tendencies. I really think I'm over thinking everything lar I mean I just chatted with 5 people on facebook at a time. I should not feel this way still but it's been so long that I can't help it.

I'm trying really to socialize more and I apologize to the sub-gang if I'm destroying your alone time. Maybe it's just the exam stress that's getting to me and I'm channelling all my frustrations at a source. Maybe I'm just too used to people hating me and I'm just waiting for that moment for that someone to turn around and tell me to **** off. I've already done it to my chem lecturer, it won't be long before one of the gangs do that to me too or worse yet....... This bloody sucks......

I wonder how many people are bored of reading my blog. I mean it's emo post after emo post. It's not I'm never happy. It's just I have no interest to blog when I am. I think my old posts were definitely better when they actually had content instead of emo mutterings. I should get the blackliner and bangs and everything that goes with it. Haiz sorry guyz for the ones waiting for those deep meaningful blog (read Shu Wheys), or funny ones (read Pik Ee's) or thought provoking (read Keefe's) or Japanese band filled (read Aisyah's) {You guys better pay me for promotion} I'm just an overdramatic writer so yea things sound like from some bad soap opera.

Klar guyz I have procastinated enough. I have to get back to studying cause i just know my weekends will be filled. Ciao then.

2011-03-24T00:21:00.002+08:00

Shu Whey made me write something. She was complaining that I haven't posted in so long. I was supposed to have posted something about Rocky Horror but I've drifted into my emo mood.

SPM results were out today. I can't believe it's been a whole year since mine came out, since my last epic failure. I thought I was over this whole thing but I guess I'm still really angry at myself. I mean it couldn't have been too hard to get straight A+ I'm just a stupid lazy bint. I think that's why I hate it when everyone says I'm smart. I can't help but think it sounds sarcastic and it just reminds me of my greatest failure. Maybe I'm just paranoid but I can't help but imagine them thinking why can't I score better than that lazy bitch.

I think I'm too overconfident and someone has to slap me once in a while. But how can I be overconfident without the self-esteem to back it up. even Mr Leonard says it's impossible. So what is it? I pretend to be overconfident or I pretend to have a low self-esteem? That's a good question because honestly I'd like neither thank you very much. Perhaps it's not overconfidence but I just expect too much out of myself, hence the low self-esteem. That might be it... but then again most people who expect a lot from themselves are confident if not with themselves then their abilities... Hmn....

People say I think too much... I guess so. I don't like being philosophical but maybe I'm just curious. I mean seriously I am so proud of my conclusion why men are more homophobic then women though there are no stats behind them. I loved going around asking questions like the previous one I asked 'would you rather sleep with a member of the same sex or a corpse of a different sex?' I thought I was weird for choosing the living rather than dead but no. EVERY female I asked chose a female whereas EVERY male I asked chose the corpse. Like OMG are you serious? I was shocked and excited...for awhile... I pity the Tea Party Gang for falling prey to all my weird questions. They probably think I'm some high-minded philosopher. Nah I'm just ADD prone with way too much on my mind.

Well that's it I guess. Sorry about the ramblings. I do plan my posts ahead of time to know what to write but the problem is once I've written it in my head I don't bother remembering anything or writing it down so yea it's all over the place.

PS. Yea great thanks to my wonderful best friend my stats above are RUINED. Oh well back to the drawing board.

Honest Ramblings

2011-02-26T01:28:00.002+08:00

I have honestly nothing to post about. Actually I have plenty to post about but no mood to write about it. I envy those people who feel the determination to prove people wrong when they are looked down upon or insulted. They can just struggle through just to have the chance to prove the other person wrong. I don't. I just fall deeper into myself and believe everything they say. I hate it. I want to prove him wrong. I really do but I've just lost interest. I've lost interest in the subject, I've lost interest in the class and I've lost interest (maybe even respect) for him. I don't feel like pleasing him any longer and I see no reason to look any better in his eyes. I want to act out. I want to be the worst I can be, just to wipe it into his face. But no I'm not going to screw myself over for that. I'm not even angry anymore I'm just...apathetic. I just want to get over this exams and just go to the next stage.

But...I don't see myself enjoying the next stage either. I don't see myself happy in a new place making new friends doing something I may or may not like. 5 years does not seem too bad but I don't know. This seems just like another course that you have to play politics and backstab just to get noticed or just be perfect. I am not or don't do any of these things. I don't like it. It's the reason I hated being a prefect and it's the reason I enjoy college. I mean seriously to specialize you have to get the head of the department to like you and recommend you. Are you serious? People generally don't like me and I'm not going to pretend or suck up to someone but what can I do? That's what I have to do. Enjoy myself in medicine. Yea right. What happened to plain old psychology where all you had to worry about was your patient trying to kill you. XD

Let's see what else is up. Oh yea IELTS is coming up soon. I'd thought I'd enjoy it with how much I like English and all but nah it's a total bore to me. I'd think I'd enjoy SATs more but it's not a recognized English test so yea. I think the problem is I'm setting too high a band for myself. English is something that is there. If that's your band, that's your band. There isn't much you can do to improve it. I mean I've done 5 speaking tests already and I've not gone up a band yet. I don't really hold much hope for writing really. I think I sacrificed my factual skills for my story skills but I really don't regret that. I blame our education system really. I mean English IS my native language after all I should be much much better than I currently am. However with a horribly low standard of English and sometimes English teachers who have worse English than me, how am I supposed to improve? All I know is I'm stifled here. There isn't any other way my english can improve, not anymore. I hate it.

So anyway I have to commentate in church this week. Wheeeeeeeee and if you were too dumb to catch it, that was sarcasm. I know I wanted to do the readings initially, I have lost interest already. It's too fast to lose interest but I have. The change in head did not help things at all. I can't stand her, I'm sorry to say. Maybe it's cause I'm too used to the old one who was more supportive and hip. Haha I guess it doesn't help that I have had the worst year spiritually last year. I mean I was literally at a religious rock-bottom even though I prayed more...kinda. It's a horrible thing really to pray for faith. You need faith to pray and when you are just zapped of it you just have this voice in your head telling you you are talking to yourself and you are asking yourself for delusion medicine. Really it's just a whole lot of BS. I feel better now but I still don't want to stand in front of a crowd and talk. The old me used to like that but I don't anymore. I think the past year has turned me introverted but I don't mind really. I really don't mind it any way at all.

Well ciaoz

30 Songs In 30 Days

2011-01-01T04:41:00.003+08:00

A new 30 day challenge!

Day 01 – Your favorite song

Day 02 – Your least favorite song

Day 03 – A song that makes you happy

Day 04 – A song that makes you sad

Day 05 – A song that reminds you of someone

Day 06 – A song that reminds you of somewhere

Day 07 – A song that reminds you of a certain event

Day 08 – A song that you know all the words to

Day 09 – A song that you can dance to

Day 10 – A song that makes you fall asleep

Day 11 – A song from your favorite band

Day 12 – A song from a band you hate

Day 13 – A song that is a guilty pleasure

Day 14 – A song that no one would expect you to love

Day 15 – A song that describes you

Day 16 – A song that you used to love but now hate

Day 17 – A song that you hear often on the radio

Day 18 – A song that you wish you heard on the radio

Day 19 – A song from your favorite album

Day 20 – A song that you listen to when you’re angry

Day 21 – A song that you listen to when you’re happy

Day 22 – A song that you listen to when you’re sad

Day 23 – A song that you want to play at your wedding

Day 24 – A song that you want to play at your funeral

Day 25 – A song that makes you laugh

Day 26 – A song that you can play on an instrument

Day 27 – A song that you wish you could play

Day 28 – A song that makes you feel guilty

Day 29 – A song from your childhood

Day 30 – Your favorite song at this time last year

Yoz!!!! So a new 30 day challenge thingy. I know I didn't finish the last one but since this is just songs I'm gonna try my best. Bad news is I'm gonna do it on Tumblr. I just opened a tumblr account to check it out so don't worry, I'm not dumping blogger. I just wanted to see what the big fuss was all about. So yea, wish me luck.

My Tumblr

Friends? What friends?

2010-11-30T22:18:00.003+08:00

I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearing what you say
But I just can't make a sound

Yoz!!! I updated my blog, finally. Hahaha. So as you know I just came back from Australia and because of that have missed our class' Melaka trip. I don't really regret it because I honestly think it's money I don't think worth spending and Australia is so much more cooler but I guess I just regret not being able to celebrate this closeness with my tea party gang (and the other gangs as well). I guess I just feel this way because I feel like I'm drifting from my gang. Maybe cause I don't come as early or stay as late so I spend almost the least time of all. My ultimate fear is that they don't really want to spend time with me but do it because well...they feel sorry for me or something... Maybe it's cause I'm not used to having a group of close friends. What I had was one or 2 really good or best friends and well it was like only us kinda thing. I will freely admit that I have been jealous in the past when my good friends grew close to others. Maybe it's cause I fear abandonment but I hope I have outgrown that fear because one day everyone must say goodbye and it's foolish to think otherwise.

You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around and say

To quote Aisyah: I sense drama on Facebook. I am not here to justify myself or say I'm innocent in this affair but I think that since I am coming clean I am going to say my piece since I have never really talked about this not even to Peanut Ice (I think). I want to make this very clear that yes, we were friends once upon a time, best friends if you wish to say so. I had crap, u had crap but we were fine. I want you to know I still keep your letters and I smile when I read them. I know it's about time I burn them but there are memories even i don't want to throw away. Maybe you do not know me well enough to know that loyalty is a virtue I hold highly. Yes, I admit I have not been loyal sometimes maybe to Peanut Ice or Piggy or (ketua toothpick, i just realized u dun have a nickname) or the tea party gang or anyone else that I have once held dear in my life. I have made my mistakes and I am sorry for them even if I don't show it.

That it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I guess there is just one too many things I just can't stand. I guess I feel comfortable enough to mention it here now. Everyone has crap. No one has a perfect personality. There are things that I can't stand from people close to me. Yes even from peanut ice or the tea party gang or Soul. And there are definitely things about me people can't stand. I'm not pretending to be perfect. Maybe one day I'll end up bitter and alone and it will be my own doing but that's not the point I'm driving at.

I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But that's nothing new, yeah yeah

Tell me, my friend, how many times when we were supposedly best friends have you betrayed my trust? It was not once or twice or thrice but so much more. How many times have you reported me to Mr Shahrul desperate to get me fired perhaps? How many times have you told others, almost strangers about my 'condition'? Yes, I admit that I wasn't exactly very good at hiding it but that's beside the point. Anyone you'd ask would know you don't tell people things like that. Some secrets are meant to be that. I was never bitter when you told the counselor about my 'problem' but telling my classmates, people I tried to make friends with was just well...mean. I called you a bitch when i caught you doing it. I regretted it and was truly sorry about it but the damage had been done on both sides. I knew I could not trust you.

I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue
And you say sorry like the angel
Heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid

Tell me, friend, why is it that I had people telling me that I wasn't as bad as you described me to be? If they were good friends to you and you were telling them that as a way to release your feelings then fine I accept it. Eunice has been my sounding board more than once but this was different. This was pure utter bitching and yet, best friend you called me. This happened the same time you wrote those letters... 2 faced? Or perhaps you talked too much? I can't imagine doing it honestly. Walking up to one of my classmates (outside the tea-party gang) at the start of the year and start telling them about Piggys or Ketua Toothpicks weaknesses or imperfection. I can't see it and I can't bear doing it because because I know them for so long my classmates would believe me and they would be wary of them. That is just utterly cruel and it would have been hard for them to have made friends.

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late, whoa whoa

I don't know why but this minor thing was the last straw for me. For that short period of time, I actually believed I was in love with one of my female classmate. (I am finally able to recall the event without feeling ashamed. Thank God) Someone decided it would be good fun to spread it around to school. I was scared, lonely and felt like an outcast. I bared my soul to you and you looked me in the eye and told me you hated homos. I will never forget that moment. It was like you had pronounced a death sentence on me. So yes, my support for gay rights comes from this incident where for that period of time I understood how it felt to be them. I knew what is was like to face homophobia and at that moment when I realized I did not love her but admired her as a person and that I preferred the opposite gender was the moment I realized that being gay was not wrong (that and a healthy dose of slash fics). I will never forget that at that moment while both you and Peanut Ice held me as their best friend, only one of you stood by me at that time. That is something I will always remember, even until the day I die and I will be forever grateful. You were always jealous that me and Peanut Ice shared a closer relationship then I had with you.You always took it that it was solely because we had more in common or we didn't understand you. I want you to see this and understand. She accepted me for who I am and I accept her Japanese Pretty Boys and all. So yea, stop with the whole 'pity me' thing. It's getting old.

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I said it's too late to apologize, yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah

' If a vase breaks, it can be mended but there will always be the cracks to remind you of what happened.''
That's all I have to say I guess. You are right, it takes 2 to tango and if you want to rant about my mistakes in your blog go ahead. I don't even care if you read this or not. Like I said this is not about throwing blame around or confrontation, this is about me releasing my feelings and all the anger and resentment I have kept pent up inside me all these years. I did not lie when i said I have buried my feelings when I buried you. I did not think about any of these incidents after you left. These resurfaced when you did and they have affected me too much for me to ignore them. I have said my piece and I am at peace.

I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground

“Put up your hands and don’t move!” a loud voice ordered everybody in the bank just as I had taken money from the cashier.

2010-11-09T14:20:00.003+08:00

“Put up your hands and don’t move!” a loud voice ordered everybody in the bank just as I had taken money from the cashier. I slid the money gracefully into my coat before turning to face the voice. He wore a black ski mask and held a Smith and Wessons revolver. I nearly laughed at his audacity; that thing was loud and tremendously messy. Granted, it wasn’t something he should worry about but still, it was so unsophisticated.

I held my hands lazily up. He was alone, daring but extremely foolish. True, it was barely peak hour but a single man could not collect the cash and watch everyone at the same time. “You, take this bag and fill it with money.” I laughed inwardly; I see, so he noticed that little problem as well. The terrified bank teller trembled as she stuffed cash into it. She couldn’t be as terrified as she exhibited because she intentionally put in the stacks of 1 dollar notes knowing that the bag would be heavy fast and the bank wouldn’t lose much money; clever girl.

Suddenly, I was vaguely aware of the gun being pointed in my direction. “Collect everyone’s handphones and anything valuable on them. Everyone must give up something or else.” Calmly, I took the bag from him. I considered acting terrified as well but that took too much energy I didn’t care spend. I took the bag and held it in front of each person. Some gave up their jewelry instantly; many others needed the guy to yell profanities at them before dropping them in half-heartedly. I smirked to myself; in the end survival instincts always triumphed.

I handed the man back the bag and sent him a cool look. He didn’t even flinch and instead told me that I had forgotten to put mine in with an irritating calm. I would have laughed really; this man was beginning to earn my respect. I dropped in my handphone with a smirk and my watch soon followed. He didn’t realize that I had money on me; careless but insignificant.

The cashier too made her way to him and handed him the bag. He barely glanced into the bag before backhanding her. She looked shock; had she really expected to get away with that? Stupid girl; she should have at least covered the top with big notes. He barked at her to put to big money into it and fill the second bag while she was at it. That was three bags total; if the cops did find out he’s going to have a ghastly time escaping.

The seconds ticked by lazily; true I did not have anything planned for the day but this was a horrendous waste of time. Could he not move it along faster or at least make things more interesting? I had the urge to use my spare phone to call the feds for extra entertainment but resisted. That would only make things longer and risk injury to myself. No, I’ve never been a hostage and I don’t want to tarnish my record.

After what seemed like ages, the bank teller was finally done filling the bag with 100 dollar notes. She didn’t dare try anything funny, not as a bruise swelled on her face. He saw the bags and paused. I scoffed to myself, he was getting greedy. The two bags were not enough for him and he wanted more. To the poor girl’s horror, he told her to fill another two bags. Calling him a fool would be an understatement. He was wasting precious time to fly by the cops radar and he was making it harder to escape.

Better yet, the idiot took his eyes off the crowd and stared at the girl instead. Maybe he’d finally remembered the alarm the bank had. I hadn’t noticed the bank manager before and wondered whether he might have pressed it. It was too quiet outside to be sure. Well, having darkened windows finally worked to the bank’s pleasure if really the bank was surrounded by the feds.

It was then a sudden movement caught my eye. One of the seemingly innocent people on the floor drew his gun. He just about pointed his gun at the robber when I idly shot him in the head with a snotnosed. It was infinitely more practical than a Smith and had less repulse. Before anyone else could fathom what had happened, I took the bags from the teller and said a crisp “Go,” to the fool of a robber. He blinked and grabbed the bags before him and ran out the door with me right behind him.

As soon as the door opened, I knew we were surrounded. Bullets flew; I ordered the boy to ignore them. I knew to stop and shoot would do nothing but provide a more stable target to the surprisingly trigger-happy cops. A black Camry screeched to a stop before us as the doors flew open. I slid into the front as the boy jumped into the back seat. The car sped off immediately and shots echoed off into the distance.

The idiot boy gave a loud triumphant laugh, “I did it! Come on brother, did you see that? I pulled it off all by myself and am still in one piece. I got a couple grand at least.”

“So what was the master doing there? Cleaning up after you, I suppose?” The driver told the boy jumping up and down the backseat.

“Hey, how was I supposed to know the guy had a gun? I couldn’t check each and every one of them could I?”

“No, that’s why you get a partner or two. Even if they don’t check for guns they can react if anyone pulls a stunt like that.” I growled at him, any calm inclinations I had before was gone. Only this fool of a boy can make me so infuriated.

“I wanted to show you I knew what to do by myself. Besides I knew you wouldn’t let anything happen to me.” If my abdomen wasn’t throbbing so badly I would have turned and smacked the boy on the head. I clenched my eyes shut and said nothing. “Brother, are you angry?”

“Fool of a boy, just get some rest. It’ll be a while before we get home.” I glanced placidly at the crimson that painted my side; no longer than 15 minutes at least.

“Master?” The driver looked at me with a grating look of concern. I shook my head pointedly at him and my glare warned him that if he made a sound, he would have a bullet embedded in his forehead.

“Drop the boy at the house. I will not go down with him.” I spared a glance at the boy sleeping in the back seat. “Protect him, Robert. He can’t lead a mob by himself.”

“What do I tell him, master?”

“I had a meeting with Alec and his boys. Negotiations went sour.”

“I can still make it to St Michael’s.”

“No.” I glanced at the boy again. “It would kill him.”

My consigliore’s grip on the wheel tightened. He considered opposing me. I turned my gun to face him. The aim was a bit off but at this distance it was enough to kill. He had the cheek to sigh, “Yes…master.”

My grip on the gun slackened as the roar of the car too began to fade into the distance. I haven’t had a decent sleep in years. My eyes closed and darkness embraced me.

2010-11-02T03:01:00.005+08:00

Haha short post. Had to share this cause it really made my day. Partially of course since I'm busy comparing Holmes right now. Might tell you about it after Chemistry. :D Ciaoz

End with: She saw his true nature and decided that she might learn to love him after all.

2010-10-21T20:53:00.003+08:00

She wrinkled her nose as she saw the man sitting in the corner of the coffee shop she’d often frequented. He knew she’d be here. She was tired of him following her around. He thought that he would have a chance with her. She had everything she had ever wanted; who did he think he was to force himself into her life.

She pushed her chair back with a little more force than necessary. Her friend, no companions, ceased their inane chatter and stared at her. She ignored them and marched to the man. “I remember I told you to leave me alone.”

He stared at her in slight shock and hurt. She watched him try to decide whether to lie or to tell the truth. He reached out suddenly and grabbed her arm. “Please Lucy, I beg you. I can do anything for you, everything. Please give me a chance.”

The sheer desperation in his voice disgusted her. To call this thing a man would be an insult to men everywhere. “I’ve told you once and a million times before. I have no interest in you and never want to see you again.”

“Lucy-”

“Leave me alone!” She stormed out of the coffee shop; her half-brained posse following close after her. Nessa muttered how irritating admirers where. She didn’t bother replying. She knew she had to find a new hangout spot; just seeing that face was enough to make her lose her lunch.

* * * * *

She let out a groan as droplets fell on her face. It had to be this day of all days that her chaffer fell ill. She had no problem walking, she wasn’t that spoiled, but she hated the rain probably only a little less than the Wicked Witch of the West did. Her mother always teased her about how she used to scream like a dying hyena whenever she wanted to give her bath. Her chest tightened; those were memories she didn’t want to think of.

A screeching sound made her jump. Her eyes widened as a van swerved to a stop next to her. She yelled at the van, screaming about how it could have hit her. Yes, she didn’t really think that the driver could hear her but it made her feel better. All of a sudden, the side door of the van slid open. She backed away on instinct when a force behind her shoved her into the van. Before she could let out a sound; a cloth was compressed onto her mouth and soon darkness surrounded her.

* * * * *

She opened her eyes to pure blackness. She took deep breaths, warning herself not to start hyperventilating. In some ways, she was grateful she couldn’t see her surroundings. She had claustrophobic tendencies and she really didn’t want to know the size of the place that held her. “Calm down,” she told herself and tried to analyze her situation. Her hands and legs were tied to the front of her so she wasn’t extremely uncomfortable and had some extent of movement. She was not gagged and she had no injuries, yet. She let out a sneeze and shivered. She was still in her wet clothes and this place did not have a heater. She sneezed again.

“Ah, you are awake.” She narrowed her eyes as bright light filled the room. It took all she could to not look around the room. She could not panic now.

“Yes and since we are done stating the obvious, what am I doing here?” Maybe trying to be a smart mouth wasn’t the best thing to do but it was in her nature.

He ignored her jibe, “Well since we have an impatient guest, I’ll just get skip right to the chase. Ransom; I wonder how much daddy would pay to get his sweet daughter back.” Just as she was about to respect him for not beating around the bush, he just had to get into that clichéd evil laugh.

“Father doesn’t like threats or being ordered around. He won’t pay.” He’d just hire every detective out there to find her, but he won’t pay.

He grinned, “I’m sure he would see differently after I send him a finger or two.” She flinched; big mistake. She was not supposed to show that she was intimidated. “I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt first but just in case, which finger do you think you’ll miss the least.” Again he laughed; cackled more like it, before leaving her in darkness again. She wasn’t scared; she wasn’t.

* * * * *

She didn’t know how long it has been since she was in that room. Days, weeks maybe even mere hours. She still had her fingers so that must have counted for something. Did Father really pay for her? She’d doubted it; it wasn’t in his nature. She let out a coughing fit and shivered again. The least they could have done was given her a change of clothing or food or water. She tried to wrap herself closer together to gather what heat she could. A moan escaped her throat. She was welcomed back into the darkness’ embrace; glad of it for once.

* * * * *

She woke up feeling warmth around her. Was she dead? Arms cradled her; she attempted to force her eyes open but they were so heavy. She tried to speak but only a groan escaped. “It’s alright now, I’m here.” She knew that voice; it was the man from the coffee shop. She tried to fight the arms around her but she barely did any damage.

“Told you…leave me…alone…” She was proud that something at least escaped her throat instead of those pathetic sounds she released. The person holding her said nothing; just placed her softly on the ground.

“I didn’t mean it you know. No matter what you heard. I wrote to you all the time but she wouldn’t give those letters to you.” She shook her head; she didn’t want to hear this. Not now; not ever.

“Watch your mouth. That’s my mother you’re talking about.”

He laughed; he actually had the guts to laugh. “She was always so beautiful and so gentle. I can only guess where you got that fire from.” He ran a hand through her hair and she growled. “I think about you every day until sometimes I wonder whether it was worth leaving.” He trembled, “There was just no other way to it. I made a choice and it was what I wanted.”

“What you wanted? What about what I wanted? What about what mom wanted? I knew mom never showed me the letters. I didn’t want to read them. I didn’t need you. If you really loved my mom, loved me, you would have tried coming back. I didn’t need much; birthdays and Christmas. It would have been more than enough. You should have been there holding my hand while I watched my mom die but you weren’t. The case in Venice or Siam or who cares where was more important. Someone did hold my hand. I have a Father, I don’t need you.”

He said nothing more and trembled beside her. Was he crying? Was he cold? She couldn’t bring herself to care. She shivered again. “I’ve called the cops; they will be here any second.” She ignored the pain in his voice. She taught herself to be cold and heartless. It was the only way she dragged herself through the years. She had no friends; she only had people desperately following her around. For fame, for money, who cares? She was never alone and they didn’t get a chance to leave; she left them. It was easy and it was painless. She watched the sky and let herself fall asleep, relieved as sirens filled the distance.

* * * * *

“Where is she? Where is my daughter? Alucia!?”

“Calm down sir, she’s alright. Just a bit of hypothermia has set in, that’s all.”

“Let me see her!”

“Father!”

He pushed passed the paramedics and enveloped her in a hug. “You gave me such a scare! I told them I’d send the money but I knew they wouldn’t let you go; loose ends and all that. You’re alive, that’s all that matters.”

She couldn’t help but smile. It warmed her to find her usually stoic father act so human. She always thought that he never thought her of his own. Now she knew. She furrowed her brow as something to the right of her caught her eye.

For reasons she cannot explain, her heart clenched as she saw the man who spawned her lying deathly pale beside her. The blood red that stained his chest stood out more than anything. She could only stare; her face giving away nothing.

“Is he going to be alright?” Her Father asked the paramedic. She tuned them out as she could only stare at her savior. She didn’t want to believe what was happening. She hated him, she reminded herself. She never wanted to see him again. “He’ll be fine.” Her father whispered to her. “He’ll make it.” She wondered whether her Father knew exactly who this man was. “He saved you; he’s the best detective in the world. He found you almost instantly.”

A case; that’s all she was. The man stared at her with those sad eyes. She stared back; no words to say. She numbly touched the bullet wounds on his chest. For her, those were all for her. She surprised herself when she wrapped her hand around his. His eyes widened and suddenly he looked many years younger. She smiled slightly and a single raindrop trailed down her face. She saw his true nature and decided that she might learn to love him after all.

Writing

2010-10-21T20:25:00.003+08:00

Well anyone who knows me would know I love to write. Yes they're not Shakespearean work but they are mine and no matter how horrible it seems I will always be proud that they came from my hand. So anyways I did what I've been telling myself to do for the past year (and I chose the middle of my exams to do it) and picked up random SPM English papers and write the 'essays'. I don't know why I chose to write english essays instead of a proper prompt on any writing website. I mean it is so restrictive I mean no cursing, no weird stuff like gays or gory murders or anything like that. So why did I do it? I don't know. Maybe because it is so restrictive I can write without worrying about...well I don't know what exactly but it must be something. Maybe it's the time limit so I know I have to keep it short. I didn't follow the time limit exactly but enough to keep the story at most 3 pages or so. Maybe Spm essays were the place I knew I couldn't write fanfiction so I tried to keep it original.

So I've written 3 topics so far:

1) End with: She saw his true nature and decided that she might learn to love him after all.

2) Start with: “Put up your hands and don’t move!” a loud voice ordered everybody in the bank just as I had taken money from the cashier.

3) Start with: I didn’t know what happiness was...

Now guess which topic I hated the most. No seriously guess. If you chose lucky door number two then you are wrong. It's the third topic. 'But why?' you ask 'It's so open, you can write about anything'. Well I think that's the reason really. I mean when I get the topic during the exam the first thing I think about is what the most common story is going to be. Well easy 1) Love Story 2) (well that's obvious) and 3) er... exam, met him/her, fulfilled my dream, join contest... OMG my head's gonna explode. Y'see what I usually do is either make sure I never touch the common topic or start off with common topic and play a twist at the end. Obvious or not doesn't really matter but at least it isn't usual. So yea when I chose the 3rd question I made up some pathetic attempt at sounding shocking. Honestly I hated the story. It didn't sound right, like some blatant attempt to sound cool. I hate it. I liked what I did for the first story. It was simple and yet I don't know more story-like than essay-like which was what I was aiming for. The second story wasn't awesome or anything but I fell in love with the characters. What seemed like simple sentences at first to me built up the character in ways I never expected. Yea it sounds a bit syiok sendiri but I think everyone likes their stories at least for a week before calling it stupid and throwing it aside. It's our right as an author.

So yea, I decided I'm gonna post up my stories here. Haha lucky you. I'm tempted to place it on Writing.Com as well but haha a little chicken to do so. It would be nice if I could receive some reviews though. It doesn't have to be good, constructive criticism is very welcomed. Thanks everyone. :D

ADAM LAMBERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-10-15T01:42:00.005+08:00

THIS POST IS GOING TO BE ENTIRELY IN CAPS BECAUSE I MYSELF CAN'T STOP SCREAMING!!!!!! ADAM LAMBERT SO CLOSE TO ME. I WISH I COULD SAY I ALMOST TOUCHED HIM BUT THANKS TO A CERTAIN ORGANIZATION HE WAS 25 FEET AWAY. YES READ THAT 25 FEET!!!!! DAMN YOU IDIOTIC ORGANIZATION WHOM I CANNOT NAME HERE IN FEAR THAT I'D BE STONED OR THROWN INTO ISA!!!!!

NO! I'M NOT GOING TO LET THEM SPOIL MY NIGHT. HE WAS THERE. I HEARD HIM SING LIVE. I HEARD HIS BEAUTIFUL VOICE. I SCREAMED HIS NAME SO MANY TIMEs TONIGHT, IT PROBABLY SOUNDED ORGASMIC. THE WAY HE JUST CROONED WHATAYA WANT FROM ME AND BROKEN OPEN OR THE FIRE POWER HE HAD IN SINGING STRUT AND SURE FIRE WINNERS. AS MUCH AS I LOVED HIM; I NEVER THOUGHT HIM BETTER THAN FREDDIE MERCURY UNTIL NOW. TO BE ABLE TO SING SO BEAUTIFULLY LIVE IS SOMETHING MOST CELEBRITIES CAN DREAM OF. SOAKED WAS JUST EPIC. ESPECIALLY WITH THE GIRL PASSED OUT AND HAD TO BE CARRIED OUT. IT WAS JUST SERIOUSLY EPIC AND SO HAUNTING.

YES I WAS DISAPPOINTED HE DIDN'T MAKE OUT WITH HIS HOT BASE GUITARIST (SORRY MY PERSONAL FETISH). I THINK HE WAS A DOLL FOR RESPECTING MALAYSIA'S (OUTDATED) CULTURE. HE COULD HAVE JUST BEEN A DIVA AND SAID NO I'D RATHER NOT PERFORM. BUT HE DIDN'T. HE SAYS HE SHOULD NOT DEVOID HIS FANS OF HIS PERFORMANCE SO HE IS WILLING TO COMPROMISE. THANK YOU ADAM SO MUCH FOR THINKING ABOUT US. AND BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY NOT ALL MALAYSIANS ARE SO CLOSE MINDED TO THINK THAT BEING GAY IS A DISEASE.

WELL THAT'S IT I GUESS. I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE TO POST ABOUT UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO SCREAM ABOUT HOW HOT ADAM IS WHICH I WOULD JUST GO ON AND ON ABOUT. *SIGH* NOSE BLEED. HAHAHA I THINK I'M OFFICIALLY A FAG HAG. NOW I JUST NEED A GAY FRIEND TO COMPLETE THE IMAGE.

HAHAHAHA K LAR CIAO GUYS.

PS. HEY KEEFE. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU READ MY BLOG. I HAVE TO SAY I AGREE WITH YOUR COMMENT ABOUT THERE NOT BEING A POINT TO LIKING CELEBRITIES. I MEAN THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WE'RE ALIVE I GET IT BUT I DON'T KNOW. I WILL STILL BE CRAZY ABOUT ADAM. JUST KNOWING THAT HEY, HE SAW MY PICTURE. YEA HE'LL FORGET IT IMMEDIATELY OR JUST BYPASSED IT BUT IT'S JUST THE THOUGHT. IT'S THE SIMPLE THOUGHT THAT WHEN OUR EYES MEET, HE ACTUALLY SEES 'ME'. IT'S FOOLISH AND CHILDISH, YEA BUT IT GETS ME THROUGH. YEA NOTHING HAPPENED LIKE I OFTEN DAYDREAMED IT WILL HAPPEN. (THANK GOD TOO CAUSE MY DAYDREAMS GO EVERYWHERE) I'M JUST SOME OTHER PERSON WHO LIKES HIM; IT MEANS NOTHING TO HIM BUT IT MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME. YES HIS COMMENT ABOUT ALL THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE GATHERED WAS NEVER EVER SUPPOSED TO MEAN ME BUT ONE JUST HAS TO CLOSE ONE'S EYES AND PRETEND.

Tears? What do you mean tears?

2010-10-06T23:53:00.002+08:00

Yo well. Ok so I decided to pay a tribute to those shows who managed to make me cry. Not tear up mind you really cry. Now those who know me, will know that I do not cry easy. Especially not for tv programmes so yea decided to pay a tribute to the shows and scenes that broke down the walls.

Ok first show as far as I remember was 3 years ago. Now mind you, I still blame PMR stress but anyway. It was some cantonese drama set in the desert. So anyway, this poor fellow had lost both his hearing and his eyesight. So, he believed that the person taking care of him was the 'lady he fell in love with'. the audience however knows that it is actually his wife who pretended to make him happy. Now I always hated his wife and this is her redeeming moment for me. And he tells her that he is thankful for her for taking care of him but he misses his wife and is going to find her. And now me, so used to tragic movies thought that he really was going to leave her since she didn't really have a way to tell him who she was. So yea, I started crying. But of course they decided to give it a happy ending and he recognizes her by feeling her face. Swt, but yea.

Ok next time was...well this year. Same show, twice. Oh you know what show I'm talking about. GLEE!!!!!!!! Hahahahaha ok I know it's so unlike me. I mean the show is good and all but too popular for my taste. Hahahaha. (never mind inside joke) So anyway the first time was when Finn called (kinda) Kurt a fag and the dad comes in and yells at Finn. So most people think I cried cause of the way Finn treated Kurt. yea, it was horrible. (I swore I'd never use the word fag on anyone. I said it once by accident and must find a way to punish myself). Yea, I actually cried because of the clear guilt in Mr Hummels (Kurt's dad's voice). I mean I had just finish watching Supernatural at that time and anyone who followed it would know every character there had daddy issues. So it was a fresh relief to see Mr Hummel being nothing short of a great dad to Kurt. I mean I think almost everyone thought he was going to be the type of dad who was unaccepting of Kurt's gayness and the way he just comes up and defends him was just whoa. And then he goes on about how he used to pick on kids for being well, fags. And i think he began thinking about what if one of those kids was my son. And you could just hear the amount of self-loathing in his voice. It was just tear-jerking.

Hahaha the last time was just last night when I watched the finale of Wicked musical. (No I haven't watched the whole show). So first let me say Kristin and Idina are awesome actresses. No matter what half-cocked fans of Glee say about them. (Rachel cannot hold a candle to them). So ok spoiler alert, but well who doesn't know the Wicked Witch (Elphie) dies at the end. But wait, the musical wanted a happy ending so she doesn't die. She faked her death. BUT Glinda doesn't know. And I want to remind everyone that this show rests on the friendship of these two. And Glinda tries to be the public figure but just loses it when she calls herself Glinda the Good because it kinda was her fault that Elphie 'died'. I really just cried man. I cannot, I repeat cannot listen to For Good the same way again. Now I get why Elphie can't tell her she's alive but come on. You are letting your best friend think she caused you to die and she's going to live with that guilt for the rest of her days. Poor Elphie. Poor Glinda. It didn't help that the version i watched was Kristin's last performance and she and Idina formed a great friendship. So yea, the tears were very real.

Hahaha ok that's about it. 4 times. 3 times in one year is too much for me though. Never again, at least not so soon. I can't wait for the next season of Glee and the Wicked movie to come out. Come on, do your worst.

New flame, Old Sea

2010-10-05T00:16:00.003+08:00

Yo so I think I've met this really sweet guy. Relax, I'm not getting my hopes up or anything because I barely know him and I don't know if he already has someone else. I barely meet him so I doubt anything can come out of this, not with AS coming around the corner and all that. I mean he probably thinks I'm some sort of whiner and all that but yea I want to know him more. I want to really know him before falling for him. I don't want fall for my perfected image of him. Hey maybe this will work, maybe it won't but I think I understand now. It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. I don't know. I've gotten my heart broken before but I dunno... I guess I appreciate the experience. I think I'd rather have gone through that humiliation than to have never felt anything.

Which brings me to my second problem... I realized that I compare him a lot to that guy I used to like. Not as in who's better looking or anything but rather all their similarities. I mean, maybe this is my staple kind of guy. This is the personality I dig but I'm afraid I'm just looking at him as a replacement to my old crush. I mean they are so different in personality but I keep saying Omg he's just like him. I mean even his friend reminds me of his friend. (ok from here on out, you-know-who will be yellow to stop this confusion on him) So what now? I'm over him....I'm pretty sure I am but I don't want a replacement I want a genuine person who may or may not like me.

Sigh...NO! I will not revert to my emo ramblings. I'm a confident girl; one day there will be someone for me even if it is not this guy. I'm tired of feeling down all the time. I made my move didn't I? I have never made friends so easily before have I? So what's the problem? Can't I be this confident chick that guys dig (I must stop using that word, I hate it). I want to be me, well a confident me. I'm not going to be overlooked because I can't or am too shy to communicate with someone else.

This is it. I'm going to make my move. It's too early to say anything but all I know is I want to change. I want to be that confident person I saw in front of that debate stage. I want to be the person who met so many people in the span of 2 days. That's the girl I wanna be, who I should be. I'm not hiding anymore. I want to shine.

Debate

2010-09-26T17:04:00.002+08:00

Hey everyone! I'm back. Honestly when I woke up this morning, I felt like the events of yesterday was just a dream. Everything felt so surreal and unbelievable. For one thing, it was almost like I fell asleep on Friday and woke up the next morning a very different person. I mean to say that I debated well is an overstatement but I did so much better than I thought I would. I literally broke down on Friday night and cried myself to sleep because I was so sure I was going to choke up and embarrass myself. I mean, in the end, I did choke up, I stuttered; but the confidence i displayed to everyone and y'know no one really thought any worse of. I made so many new friends which was a first for me because I never really talked to strangers even when approached. I didn't feel useless or angry with myself when I heard the judge's comments I just felt 'Yes, I will improve'.

I felt so comfortable up there in front of everyone. I feel more truth in my personal statement now. Even when I had no points to say, I just crapped with whatever crappy point I could and just prayed it worked. Even when it didn't I didn't feel dejected, I just repeated to myself I made the best of a bad situation. At the Gala dinner, I met a church friend (well more like someone I really admired) and for once I actually held a conversation with. Even he could see the difference in me. I was by myself and I was surrounded by people and never once did I feel alone or left out. I just felt so comfortable. Truly a very different person.

Haha left my post halfway and now I've lost my mood to continue. Haha oh well. I guess I'm gonna say ciao now. Well...ciao

Haiz

2010-09-22T00:37:00.003+08:00

Hey everyone! It's me again. Sorry for the late update. Haven't had the mood to do anything online except watch Bleach. Hehehe. Yea don't worry won't go on and on about it. Haven't the mood. So anyways these two days have just got back my exam papers. Well except for maths it was like 10 times better than I expected. You'd think I'd be happy right? I mean I was ecstatic at the I receive my results but I don't know. I just feel so glum now. Well not glum exactly just very tired. I don't know, maybe worrying about the exams kept me pumped up or something but now it's like meh whatever man.

I don't know maybe it's just the usual down me. I feel so out of place like something is being a barrier between me and the outside world. I feel like I was made wrong; that He'd put in too much of something or not enough. I feel souless and faithless. I mean I do pray now and then but it feels fake...memorized. I envy those who'd get everything down. I envy those people I despise for dividing the world into black and white. To be so simple in thinking. I envy those who see the glass as half full because at the end of the day no matter how much water there is in that glass it will never be enough. It will overflow and it won't be enough. Nothing will be enough. I won't be enough.

I'd swore I'd give Adam a better post than this but I dunno. I feel so unmotivated. I should be off celebrating, buying his tickets instead of sitting flat on my but, oblivious. Maybe it's the fact that I'd have to go to the concert alone. Alone...you'd think I'd get used to it by now. I mean hey, it's nothing new. Alone...hahahahahaha what a funny word. Alone...the dictionary defines it as lacking companions or companionship. Companions...friends...I have that (or at least I think I have)...I have family...I have people...so why do I feel so alone. So...isolated from everyone else. Is my thinking too advanced from anyone else? Too behind? Am I too mature? Too childish? Or have I just reached that stage where I just don't fucking care and I just want to...well you know...

You'd think I'd be scared of hell. The pain, the torture, the loneliness, the isolation, the fact that you'd scream and no one would hear you, that no one would care. Hell would be hell. Not in my top ten places to visit. But then again, without expectation can there be true pain? Without hope, nothing could ever crush it again. But then what is life without hope? The hope that one day, life would be better. The hope that one day, people would actually understand. The hope that one day there will just be that person with that one smile, that one touch so you would finally feel beautiful for once, to actually feel good about yourself. What is life without hope? Without dreams?

I envy those who saw flowers, food and people in that dining room. (Tea-party gang, you know what I'm talking about). Until now I can see no people in that room; no food; no flowers. I try to imagine flowers and when I do I see candles and an guy there with no face. I've been thinking of placing the flowers on the bed instead of the window and I don't like what that says about me. I've stopped thinking that Little John was romantic and that Marion should not settle for him. I think that I'm beginning to see a more, well not noble but better vision of the Sheriff then I ever did. I'm beginning to think that I can have a million and one results saying I'm an ENFP and I'd make a wonderful psychologists and all that crap and I still would think that something was wrong. I think ENFP's are usually those annoying characters in animes and movies. Well not annoying to the audience but to the characters, y'know? Comic relief. Anyone who knows me will know I'm no comic relief. Can't say something 'funny' without looking dumb. Hahaha....haiz (Btw I'm also looking at an argument on how Jesus is ENFP. Very 'amusing') Hahaha did you know ENFP's tend to fall into bad relationships? Tell that to Elizabeth Bennet. I want a Mr Darcy. T_T

Hahahaha ok I know major mood swing at the end right? I don't know. Maybe I'm just being sorry for myself when all I should do is get up, yell at myself and feel better. Maybe I just like thinking life is so horrid so that i could blame something for my lack of motivation, my misplaced anger. Maybe I'm just looking for attention which I pretend I don't get enough of at home. Maybe I should just stop reading fictions so I stop writing like some overdramatic drama story. Hahahaha k y'all nitez.

PS: sorry guys too lazy to look for a song to put in

Intermission (More Shuffle Fun)

2010-07-03T03:14:00.002+08:00

MUSIC MOVIE:
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button.
6. Put comments in brackets
7. Dont Lie

Opening Credits: 100 Years by Five by Fighting (hell ya! it's perfect especially if this film's those biography type from start to finish)

Birth: Mix Tape by Avenue Q (i'd get this for romance but birth?)

First Day Of School: Barbie Girl by Aqua (0_0)

Falling In Love: More Than You Take by Joseph King of Dreams (Er...I can see how it would work but...)

Fight Song: Looking Through Your Eyes by The Magic Sword (This would be a perfect love song...)
Breaking Up: Green Finch and Linnet Bird by Sweeney Todd (wow it does kinda suit)

Prom: D-tecnoLife by Uverworld (er........i dun even know what the song's about)

Life: In Harmony by Little Mermaid (that's perfect XD)

Mental Breakdown: What Have You Done by Within Temptation (wow...i'd actually probably sing it if i was breaking down)

Driving: Dancing Queen by Mamma Mia (er...ok...)

Flashback: Strange Things by Toy Story (er...it could work)

Wedding: Your Song by Moulin Rouge (aww if only my sweetheart sang this than this is perfect)

Birth Of Child: When I Grow Up by Pussycat Dolls (not so fast honey)

INTERMISSION: Once Upon A December By Anastasia (Works really nicely again if it's those beginning to end stories)

Final Battle: For Now by Avenue Q (i could imagine everyone singing that to lighten the mood)

Death Scene: A Little Priest by Sweeney Todd (i'm gonna be eaten 0_0)

Funeral: I Will Follow You by Digi Advertisment (Shit....scary and depressing)

End Credits: Supercalifragilisticexpellidoucious by Alvin and the Chipmunks (This is turning into a comedy isn't it?)

Unwritten letters

2010-07-01T23:10:00.002+08:00

Day 3 is here. Guess what? I don't think I'm gonna write today's letter. Hey, I might change my mind later and post one up I dunno but I doubt it. I can only see the letter ending up 3 ways so I really don't want to touch it. I mean it would probably end up a) some sappy suck-up letter or something, you know like those things you hear on mother's day father's day. b) some half-concocted unemotionless letter written just for the sake of writting it or c) the truth with the right splash of emoness. I mean we all know how that is gonna turn out and I don't wanna seem like I'm dissing my parents or that they're doing something wrong cause their not but it is called Pits of Depression for a reason. So the only thing I can conclude is I'd probably not write today's letter and tomorrow as well. Family's off-limits. Hey i might just contradict myself and post something up later who knows? I mean I've already picked out the songs I wanted to accompany the letters. So... we'll see. But again I apologize for not sticking to the routine. :S Sorry

Day 2 — Your Crush

2010-07-01T00:29:00.002+08:00

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl:

Dear Whoever You Are,
Hi, my name is Charmaine Chua. I doubt you know me or notice me. It doesn't really matter who you are either. It has always been the same story. I don't fall easily but I guess I crush like any other person. I never bother making a move because I know there's no point. You barely like me how can I ever expect you to love me? Maybe that's why I don't bother holding on the crushes and it looks like I have too many guys. I just never bothered with getting past the 'he's hot stage'.

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Sometimes I let myself believe I have a chance with you. I've tried to get myself to talk to you but well I'm scared. I am well as anti-social as I can be and I don't really take first initiative. I get really happy if you just look at me and just say hi instead of me saying hello and you just replying for the sake of it, irritation in your heart.

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Everytime I get over you, you'd do something cool or you'd say something and I reenter this foolish, foolish cycle only to face disappointment once again. Sometimes it's easy and I know you just don't notice me. It's horrible though when I know you like one of my friends. It's life I guess. Who can blame them? They're wonderful, beautiful...I'm not. Plain and simple. Doesn't matter who; doesn't matter whether they return. It's the simple truth: It's just not me.

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl:

I guess sometimes I wonder who's it gonna be tomorrow? It scares me knowing that anyone of you could develop like last time and become horribly disasterous. We all know how it turned out the last time. I guess I won't let it happen. I won't give my heart to you. I'll leave my love for night-time fantasies and celebrities. For fictional men who will never break my heart. It's not your fault, I'm not blaming you. It's me...I'm broken.

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl

Here's where I end this letter I guess. There's nothing left for me to say not really. No matter what I say I'd always place my hope on you. That you'd be the one who would save me. To mend all the broken pieces. I'd always dream and I'd always hope. Hope...that's the only thing that drives a human being isn't it? What are we without hope but soulless creatures? What are we? What am I?

Yours trully,
Charmaine Chua

Letters to Ponder

2010-06-30T23:44:00.002+08:00

Well day 2 is here and I'm procastinating the next letter. How I'm gonna last 30 days is anyones guess. Next topic: Letter to my crush. Problem is I don't really have a current real crush. Not really at least. There are some guys I have to hots for but nothing serious if you get my drift. Should I write to them? Should I write a general letter? Or should I write to a celebrity I've fallen head over heels for? If so, then who? First person in mind is Adam Lambert but what do I write? If I ever wrote a letter to him it'd probably full of fangirlish stuff and I don't want to write that on my blog here. So who and what should I write? Boy these letters are really bugging me man. I've spent the whole day of college today just thinking about who I should write to and it just goes round and round and round and I can't stop and pick anyone. Who Who Who?

Day 1 — My Best Friend

2010-06-29T18:35:00.003+08:00

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Dear Aisyah,
Well I have no idea what to write without being overly corny sappy or just plain cheesy. I hope you are not hoping for some heartfelt declaration of love or some shit like that. Hahaha! You know me, that's not the kind of crap I write.

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

So wow 11 years. It feels way way longer than that. I wonder how much of those early primary school life do you remember? I still cringe at all those horrid memories. In all honesty until this day I wonder when did we ever pass that line from being friend/acquaintances/mortal enemies(XD) to best friends? I mean that doesn't count all those childish times when we declared everyone mary, kate ashley and their sister was our best friends. I honestly can't remember the turning point but I can't seem to say I regret it.

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

No one believes me y'know when i tell everyone you corrupted me. That you introduced me to the wonderful world of slash. If only they knew the truth. Hmph! Damn you and your innocent facade. It's not just slash though, you got me into writing poetry (yea they're bad but good enough y'know?). Haven't written one in forever but you got me started on it. Can't say I regret it though. It was something else we could bond over instead of fighting whether Hakkai or Sanzo was a better hero. X l

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

Do you know it's your fault that I ended up in Bukit Jalil school? Yea you probably do, me being clingy and overbearing and all that. Can't say i regret that decision though. Sure I might have had better results in a control school but I have met so many wonderful people on the way. Who knew that still the last 5 years together in that school we could still stand to learn more about each other? Sure there were tense times but then there were also the best of times and there were the Phantom of the Opera times. Boy was that one weird and hectic time. Not just putting on the show but the aftermath as well. (And i managed to drag you into a dress XD) It was as it should be I guess.

And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore

I guess that is all I can say. There are like a million things more I could put and yet nothing to write. I guess all I could say is I miss not seeing you every other day. I miss rolling my eyes and telling the teacher that Aisyah isn't here again. I miss laughing about the most random stuff that no one else seem to understand. I guess the bottom line is I miss you and I can't wait to see you soon.

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood

Your friend,

Charmaine Chua

Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better
And because I knew you...
Because I knew you...
Because I knew you...
have been changed for good...

PS. It seems like I'll have to leave the cliche bit here I guess. Thank you for everything.

Letters to No One

2010-06-29T18:12:00.003+08:00

On this day you write a letter to:
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 —Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Hahaha well well well. This looks like a lot of work. I mean seriously. 30 days of posts non-stop. Daunting but maybe it will let me keep my blog alive. Some of these letters seem to lean into being extra personal and stuff. I mean my blog's about opening up right? So I guess it won't kill me to try it I guess. I'd probably give up way before Day 5 but I'll try my best.

2010-06-23T02:50:00.006+08:00

Which Supernatural Angel Are You?

Hahahaha Hey guys. I'm back...kinda. Hahaha it's 3 am in the morning and I'm bored so I decided to go on about Supernatural. (Just finished Season 5 and am currently suffering from withdrawal XD) Ok so usual spoiler-warning and believe me, my post will be nothing but spoilers.

Hahaha so anyway check out the above personality quiz result. Haha so anyone surprised I'm happy. Well shame on you cause you don't know me well enough. XD Well Lucifer is everything I wanted him to be. An angel (of course all the angels are pretty much douche-bags so it doesn't really make him less evil does it?), charming, doesn't lie and is honestly anti-human instead of anti-god. He could have chosen a much handsomer vessel (no Sam Winchester is not) instead of some 40 something yea old man. Don't get me wrong, the actor played Lucifer brilliantly but I wanted a really handsome Lucifer. Sigh. Haha.

Well well well who would have guessed out of all the angels (excluding Castiel) my favorite one would be Gabriel. Haha it really surprised me; I mean tell me this like 3 months ago and I'd tell you you were insane. I mean the Trickster was hilarious and all (his appearance had some of the best eps) but wonderful or squeelable not really. And of all the archangels Gabriel has always been the blah one for me maybe because he featured the most in the Gospels and so it's like meh boring whatever. Seriously though Gabriel was just awesome. I mean as soon as he cut the whole 'I don't give a shit' persona and let himself out (talking about the apocalypse and such) I just knew I was going to love this guy. Maybe because I'm the eldest child (you'd think I'd actually like Michael (more)) just the way he acted the whole little brother way and the whole 'I don't want to see my family fight' kind of thing makes me feel so protective of him like I don't want him to get hurt. Haha a 18 year old girl wants to protect a centuries old archangel. Hahaha but seriously he is just so vulnerable under that mask of his. In some ways actually, he reminds me more of Dean than Michael does. I can't help but hope that God would bring him back to life. I'd miss him too much to leave him be. Sigh Maybe a bigger role? Haha now I'm just reaching.

Haha ok so I said excluding Cas. Why? Because Cas is the best thing that has ever happened to Supernatural and I have fallen head over heals for him. This guy takes deadpanned snarker to a whole new level since well for a start he isn't snarking; he's being extremely serious. Haha Repeatedly I've tried to shove my head into the television and give him a big hug (maybe like how cupid did XD poor Cas) When I laid eyes on him for the first time I knew I'd love him. I mean his entrance itself was just badass with a capital B. I must have really found something I liked in this fellow cause when Lucifer 'killed' him, I was literally screaming in my room. He gets better but that's not the point. That really hurt. Hahahaha great now I'm overreacting. Haha I ship Dean/Castiel but for some reason I don't enjoy reading fanfics about them. I dunno maybe friends first lovers later? Hahaha Cas Cas Cas

Ok season 6 theories. ok fine they are not my ideas but hey brainstorming's good right? Ok first thing Chuck is God. I mean there seemed no other reason to make him disappear all of the sudden without explanation unless they just wanted some cliffhanger or something. Good idea but I hope not. I kinda like Chuck as a person so I don't want him to be you know, God only pretending to be like that kinda thing. I mean I'd rather see it as he disappeared because he went to heaven (like Elijah did) because he accepted he was a prophet and had finished his job. He might be the new link for the boys and heaven, taking over Cas' job. I'm so worried that they'd push Cas aside the next season but the audience love him so much so hopefully not. I can't believe I didn't come out with this theory by myself. Cas said he was better than new and he is obviously so much stronger than before. He's been promoted to archangel. It makes sense; I mean Gabriel's dead (NO!!!!) and Michael and Lucifer's in hell/trapped so it makes sense God needed to replace them. If this is true there's a big chance that Raphael would be come the Bad in Season 6 though maybe not the big bad. It's better than the Crowley idea. I'd rather Crowley stick with good...well as good as a demon can be I guess. Last theory (for now), Joshua is Jesus. Haha a bit far-fetched but I really salute the guy who thought of it. Joshua=Yeshua=Jesus. Of course there are so many Joshua's in the bible but I can actually see the director's of supernatural pull something like this off. Honestly though I'd rather they didn't touch Jesus. I mean going off about God is one thing but Jesus is a bit too far. Too religeous even for a show like Supernatural and too pro-Christianity (or anti could work either way). I'd rather they didn't show God either y'know. Keep him mysterious. I dunno works better for me. Haha Michael and Lucifer should come back. I think either Michael would turn to the dark side or Lucifer would turn good (the first one is more likely though). I mean what else can we expect? They are stuck with each other for dunno how long. They'd probably bond pretty well.

Haha erm that's it I guess. Discussed all that I could. Haha I'm just posting this for the sake of updating my blog. Haha except for a few loyal readers I doubt anyone else is reading this thing. Haha probably would die soon. Haha k then. Bye guys.

PS: I got my writing mojo back. Hallelujah.

2010-05-15T11:56:00.002+08:00

Hahaha I'm back!!!! Kinda... Haha exams coming up next week. So not used to A-levels with everyone being the study type. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Haha. I tried to delay until the last minute but gave up. There were way too many things to study and one night is not going to cut it. So now I'm studying Bio while watching Star Trek: The Original Series. No I'm not a geek! Blame the 2009 movie. Chris Pine (drool); Zachary Quinto (nose bleed); Leonard Nimoy (faints). XD Ok fine I only fell in love with Mr Nimoy after watching the original but still squee.

Hahaha. Ok so I'm a trekkie now. (haha kinda. Don't ask me what's the difference between an ensign and a yeoman. I have absolutely no clue.) Haha still don't really like William 'Ham' Shatner but I'm kinda softening up to Kirk. Love Spock (haha obviously. Stoic dead-panned snarker. What's not to like?) Haha I'm beginning to really like McCoy too. He's the type of doctor I'd probably end up as (if I ever become one) cynical and sarcastic. Haha. Watched 'The Empath' yesterday. LOVE the friendship between them. It's the logical choice, my foot. Just say you care for the doctor and don't want him to die. Vice versa. Mc Coy may say what he wants but he loves his 'green-blooded hob goblin'. Hahaha obsessed d.

Haha really high aren't I? I'm just super super happy right now. I PASSED MY GRADE 8 PIANO EXAM. OMG!!!!!!!!! So happy I want to cry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I never thought I could pass. So happy. Thank you Mr Examiner for loving me so much you'd pity me and let me pass. XD Lolz And also thank you to all my piano teachers who drilled me through all me grades. Especially my grade 8 teacher Ms Ong. THANK YOU!!!!!!!

Haha Over happy already lar my blog. I don't think I had such a hyper post before. Haha Don't worry my dear readers. I'll be back to my emo self soon. ;) Haha love you guys. Ciao

One Day I'll Fly Away

2010-04-11T14:12:00.002+08:00

INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Put your iPod or other music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Calcutta (Taxi Taxi Taxi) [Dr Bombay] {haha my next catch phrase XD}

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
The Adams Family [???] {haha that would be nice}

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY?
Bring Me to Life [Evanescence] [lolz]

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
One Love [Blue] {XD}

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
May It Be [Enya]

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Reflection [Mulan] {Er...reflection of what exactly}

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
I Want More [Lestat the Musical] {Erm I dunno about that but I sure think about Lestat alot XD}

WHAT IS 2+2?
Eat It!!! [Wierd Al Yankovic] {If you say so}

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Apologize [One Republic] {Er...you can apologize first and then I'll tell you for what when I think of it. XD}

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Another One Bites the Dust [Queen] {.........}

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Perfect [Simple Plan] {Er...yea right}

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
25 Minutes [Michael Learns to Rock] {wth is that supposed to mean}

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Butterfly Kisses [Bob Carlisle] {Blush hahahaha}

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
The Unforgiven [Metallica] {... WTH??? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!}

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Billy Jean [Michael Jackson] {...How...romantic}

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
El Tango De Roxanne [Moulin Rouge] {...Tango or being a prostitue? Lolz haha Tango sounds fun though}

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Whataya Want From Me [Adam Lambert] {My biggest secret is what YOU want from me? Great.}

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Bouvelard of Broken Dreams [Green Day] {Haha that's what happens when my playlist is filled with emo songs. Haha}

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Magical Mr Mistoffelees [CATS] {WTH??????? The worst thing that could happen to me is meeting a magical talking/singing/dancing cat XD}

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Live Like We're Dying [Kris Allen] {What a contradiction. So by living I die? Lolz}

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
The Oogie Boogie's Song [Nightmare Before Christmas] {twitch twitch}

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Somewhere I Belong [Linkin Park] {Erm...great I find the place I belong hilarious haha}

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Paris Holds the Key to You Heart [Anastasia] {Yes I want it back}

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
We Are One [Lion King] {Er...that sounds sick}

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Jesus Take the Wheel [Carrie Underwood] {in the literal sense that's hilarious but in the spiritual sense....haha quite true}

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Arigatou(Thank you) [Bon'z] {Erm...that's a good thing right?}

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Fireflies [Owl City] {I'd fill the world with fireflies?}

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
You Got to be You [Little Mermaid: Animated Series] {...Ouch so true haha}

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
One Day I'll Fly Away [Moulin Rouge]

Improve your English

2010-03-10T19:41:00.003+08:00

Haha I promise you that this is going to be a short post.

Well results are coming up tomorrow. Goddamn it I shouldn't be so damn scared. I should be all whatever who cares man. Hahahaha Am I silly for still aiming for straight A+? I know I can't do it goddamn it but... sigh... Maybe it's cause I'm banking on a scholarship so it makes sense but...I don't know. It's like years ago I thought it was like no problem. Sup sup sui! Looks like I was wrong.

I would usually say if you don't hear from me, I'd probably screwed my results badly but I can't since I've noted my blogging irregularity and I might not even post anything about it. Haha sorry people. I'll try my best.

Ok focus, short post right. Ok nothing much left to say. Err oh right. Anyway I was surfing the net and I found this great site. Improve Your EnglishSince our Malaysian English isn't what it used to be; this test can help you gauge how high your command of English really is. Check it out. I promise you I won't regret it.

Ok that's it. All that's left for me is to pray and hope for the best. Good luck fellow SPM students and good night.

Sherlock Holmes Review (Finally)

2010-02-18T00:15:00.008+08:00

New blood joins this earth
And quickly he's subdued
Through constant pained disgrace
The young boy learns their rules

As I am typing this post I'm watching Sherlock Holmes for the third time and I have no choice but to fulfill my promise. Ok as usual I'm going to warn you off spoilers. I'm not going to bother hiding anything so if you don't want spoilers please don't read.

Well, it turned out so much better than I expected from the trailers. When I first saw the trailer I was like great another Hollywood screw-up. How glad I was when I was proven wrong (though Hollywood was still written all over it). I mean it was had Sherlock Holmes written all over it with a modern twist to keep it exciting.

With time the child draws in
This whipping boy done wrong
Deprived of all his thoughts
The young man struggles on and on he's known
A vow unto his own
That never from this day
His will they'll take away-eay

The first time I watched Sherlock Holmes, I knew very very little of the books. Just the basic that any bookworm should know. So I went through it like yea, not bad. But when I watched it the second time after reading at least half of Sir Arthur's works; watched the brilliant Jeremy Brett at work and I knew exactly what to expect from Sherlock and still it didn't disappoint. I loved how RDJ used Sherlock's quotes and twist its meaning to make it hilarious for all fans.

That I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never be
Never see
Won't see what might have been

So anyone who knows me well enough would know that the simplest way to get me hooked on any show is to give me all the bromance I desire. Haha Holmes and Watson are easily the Adam and Eve of Bromance. This pair must have really worked for me cause I don't feel like pairing them up together. They are awesome and their on-screen chemistry just hit the roof. Even in interviews RDJ and Jude couldn't keep thier hands off each other (in a total bromantic way). Haha who said only men enjoyed a good bromance every now and then.

What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub thee UNFORGIVEN

Jude Law. OMG He is so HOT!!! Even with the mustache he still was so handsome. I mean even I always imagined Watson to be some slightly brainless, overweight fellow following Holmes around. I never imagined that that interpretion of Watson to be wrong all along. Jude is exactly how Watson should be. He made sure that Watson got his due. I mean Holmes would never lower his standards to hang around with an idiot. Watson had his good points and bad points. He was a perfect compliment of Holmes. Most of things that Holmes didn't bother to learn about, he knew pretty well. That was Doctor Watson not a bumbling fool who was there for comic relief or to make Sherlock look brilliant.

They dedicate their lives
To RUNNING all of his
He tries to please THEM all
This bitter man he is

RDJ. What can I say? For some reason I never liked him before. Until now I don't know why and I feel so silly for ever thinking so. RDJ is a wonderful actor. I mean I've just watched Ironman and Tropic Thunder and I'm like O_O. RDJ's Sherlock is definitely unique in it's own way. I'm just glad they mentioned the cocaine in the movie (a small hint but still). I feel that the drugs were Holmes' fatal flaw and people tend to ignore it to make him more 'heroic'. Unlike many other Holmes, RDJ's Sherlock was human. They portrayed him as a different individual but still very human, flaws and all. A lot of fans doesn't seem to like that the movie concentrated so much on Sherlock's flaws but... I don't know... it just made it easier to relate to him I guess and while Watson's quote 'You're not human.' might relate to other Sherlock's, it just doesn't seem to apply to RDJ's Sherlock.

Throughout his life the same
He's battled constantly
This fight he cannot win
A tired man they see no longer cares
The old man then prepares
To die regretfully
That old man here is me

Lord Blackwood...hmn... good villian but not great. I found that giving him a 'pitiable' past did not really make him a better villian but rather more cliched. Thank heavens they did not dwell on that. I'm just glad that they didn't decide to put magic in the movie. Halfway through it I actually believed they were going to and was sorely dissappointed. Thank God I was wrong. Heard a rumour that Brad Pitt was going to play Moriaty. Heavens no! Moriaty is supposed to be pretty old, at least compared to Sherlock. We don't need a pretty boy playing him.

What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never be
Never see
Won't see what might have been

Irene Adler. Well I hated her and the role she played. I know this is Hollywood and all that but seriously a love interest for Sherlock Holmes? No way! I mean fine, there was no way they were going to make Sherlock asexual but come on, making out with Irene. That is out of the question. This is supposed to be the only woman who has ever intellectually beaten Sherlock but I really don't see much brains on her, at least not enough to satisfy. they made her into a criminal as well. Somehow that was to be expected and it really didn't bug me much but I found her pretty useless throughout the story. I'm glad Holmes left her on the bridge but we all know she is going to be back and I don't think I can stand anymore love-struck Holmes. Mary Morstan played her small role rather well. They showed her exactly to be the strong (and not over-bearing) woman she was described as in the books. No complaints about her. I eally wouldn't mind seeing more of her in future movies. (Good lord. Please don't let the writers kill either of these women off so that either lover will be extremely emo/swear revenge/or whatever other cliche)

What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub thee UNFORGIVEN

Jeremy Brett, the best Sherlock Holmes ever (I'm sorry RDJ). I do love RDJ's Sherlock but Jeremy is the most classic and faithful to the books. I wasn't joking when I said this man inspired me in strange ways. I can't put it into words; nor can I pinpoint exactly what did he inspire but he did. Never had I felt so strongly a strange admiration for a person's life story before. I mean in all honesty there is truly nothing spectacular and yet... Maybe it's because this man is bi-polar. I freely admit, I'm pretty hypochondriac-like when it comes to mental-illness. Perhaps I'm worried about whether my strange mood-swings have something to do with bi-polarness or just plain depression. I don't think I'm depressed but then haha hypochondriac. Maybe what I'm in love with is the tragedy of the whole thing. How the meds that were keeping him sane were the ones that killed him after all. How not long after he died they found a way to replace(repair?) a faulty heart without doing a transplant. Maybe it's the fact that smoking was one of the factors that caused his death on it just hit too close to home with me since most of my family members smoke. I'm worried...nothing that I will admit out loud though. See? Damn it! A review of Sherlock Holmes also can turn emo. Sigh....

What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never be
Never see
Won't see what might have been

Klar. I think I'll stop here now. There's more that I should say but nah I think this is enough. Can't wait till the Sherlock Holmes sequel comes out. Right now I have to settle for watching all RDJ and Jude Law's old movies and catching up with the Sherlock Holmes Granada series. Goodnight everyone and thanks for reading. So sorry for the long break. Ciao.

What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub thee UNFORGIVEN

PS Check out this group called 'Gregorian''. I think they're monks. Haha wierd I know but I like their chanting. They even changed some of the songs like Boulevard of Broken Dreams, Unforgiven, Tears in Heaven etc. Check them out.

whoa, whoa

Never Free
Never Me
So I dub thee UNFORGIVEN
You labeled me
I'll label you
So I dub thee UNFORGIVEN

PSS A special thanks and a shout-out to Debbie. If not for your comment today in Rock Cafe, I would never have finished this post. That was a nice thing to say but now I'd probably stress out about whether my blog is good enough. I don't think my blog is as good as you say, I'm just writing what I feel. Again thanks alot.

Never Free
Never Me
So I dub thee UNFORGIVEN
You labeled me
I'll label you
So I dub thee UNFORGIVEN
Never Free
Never Me
So I dub thee UNFORGIVEN

Women of Silk River

2010-02-08T23:52:00.002+08:00

I'm turning my back on this life for as long as I can,
Someone make me star 'cause I sure as hell can't be a man,
I'm too fragile and clever you know
And this universe just leaves me cold
I'm just hanging around here, I'm longing for someone to hold

Ok here's a review. Ok I know I know I promised I'd do one on Sherlock Holmes but...sigh. Maybe when I rewatch it, I promise. Then I shall tell you about how wonderful the movie was until I got into reading one of the most famous literature books of our time and how I got into two actors whom until now I have no idea how they slipped past my radar. Then I shall also tell you about a man I should have discovered long ago and how he for no reason at all brought out a strange inspiration in me. (Sorry sleepy, I know my sentences are not making much sense) I promise I shall get into all this some day soon but not now. Now I have another review to write about a play I watched no more than 2 hours ago.

You always knew didn't you Mother
You always knew as mothers always do
You always knew didn't you Mother
I was a stranger in this world

Ok so basically this play is about the 'amahs' of Malaysia. These are women from China who come to Malaysia and Singapore to escape the war. So the play consists of 4 amahs, their mat salleh mistress and a japanese stranger they found injured. In the sense of acting there isn't much I can complain about. I found the youngest of the four Amahs acting a bit bland but nothing to really complain about. The japanese dude was stiff but so typically of a japanese gentleman of that time so I can't really complain even I can only applaud him. Even when showing remorse for what he has done is done so remarkably stoically and yet the emotion was there. Brilliant. The mat salleh lady too does a wonderful job and even holds the stage when she begins talking to her invisible guests. The amahs all played their roles spectacularly and are pretty convincing in their roles.

This dumb education was never quite part of my plan
So you left me to ruin but I'll always know who I am
I'm too fragile and clever you see
And your universe just leaves me cold
I'm just hanging around here, I'm longing for someone to hold

Ok plot. Erm...well paced I guess. It wasn't too slow nor too rushed. It let the characters develop in their own time without killing the story. Wasn't too keen on the ending though. It just seemed to...abrupt. I mean it was a good ending, served it's purpose but it ended at the climax. Just as things were beggining to get fun. BAM! The end. Not my choice ending. There are some loose ends that just weren't tied up. Maybe they want the audience to figure it out themselves but...too loose if you ask me. For example the father of the baby. I mean the hints were all there I mean I could figure it out no big deal but without throwing any real light on it, it just lost it's purpose. I mean the identity of the father of the child just shed light on so many matters and gave a deeper personality to some characters but without really addressing it some people might have missed it and it was just lost. There was also a part where the 'head' amah wrote a letter to her friend in China telling her it was her last letter and she will explain why when she goes home. Wait what? After that she never shows any interest in returning to China (and the letter does sound like a suicide note which of course she hints nothing at) so what was the point of that line? Yes the letter explained her feelings but that line was so out of place. I mean this is not a movie; this is a play and every line counts even if it is meant for a comedic purpose. So what was that line for? Did I miss something?

You always knew didn't you Mother
You always knew as mothers always do
You always knew didn't you Mother
I was a stranger in this world

Hmm ok characters. I think that the British lady was a rather believable character. She reminds me so much that lady in Naukar, our English literature short story. She doesn't dwell on her homeland but she isn't used to Malaya that much is certain. She is so believable and there is little I can say I don't like about her. She is patient with the amahs which in any chinese family they would have probably been beaten or scolded. Even when she decides to cheat on her husband you can't help but root for her. The Japanese man played a rather small role in the story and had very little development but again, very believable. He is instantly likable and there is an endearing quality to him. The best thing about the amahs is that you can see where they are all coming from. I think that by using 'chieh' to call each other makes the bond between them so very believable. I find it pretty interesting that the 'head' amah is Catholic and pretty banana-like and yet she is the one who has such a firm hold on old traditions. The second and third Amahs are mainly comic relief I guess. I mean they do have their own characters but their stories are made to be pretty funny. The third's character becomes pretty annoying after awhile (since in the later part of the show she keeps repeating the same lines). The youngest is so believable and yet you just become so annoyed with her. In some ways she's pretty Mary-Sueish but the fact that the spotlight is hardly on her makes her more human and less annoying.

Whoever told you that these were the days of our lives?
The sweet boys they crumble, and the wicked ones rise and survive
And they're running our lives, yes they're running our lives

The lighting for the play was awesome. Of course I havent' watch any/many plays so I wouldn't know how it's supposed to work but yea the lighting was brilliant. Just the simple things changed alot and even the music suited wonderfully. My only complaint was at the ending of the play where things were beggining to be a little dramatic I think they overdid the music. I mean it was so hard to hear the characters talk and it seemed more like bombings was occuring. (Whether it really was I wouldn't know but they hinted nothing really) I think slightly less dramatic would have been nice. I think how they added Cantonese into the drama worked out nicely and for some reason it was funny every time they did. Though I think that there were parts where they put too much and went over board with it especially the Mandarin parts that non-speakers where a little lost. I realised that half of the audience weren't even chinese speakers so I think they should have found a way to cater for them. Overall good show. I'd definitely recommend it to those who enjoy watching plays. i find it a welcome relief from the action that is flooding the tv screens now and it's nice to watch and enjoy a character-driven drama. Well that's it then. Ciao

You always knew didn't you Mother
You always knew as mothers always do
You always knew didn't you Mother,
I was a stranger in this world

PS Can't believe I've never mentioned about Taboo until now. This is Stranger in this World which is sang by 'Boy George' the main(?) character of Taboo. It's a really lovely song. If you've never heard about it you should check it out. Watch the West End one and NOT Broadway. Rosie O' Donell spoiled Taboo. Ciao again

On a clear day, I can see myself for miles
Oh Mother, oh Mother
On a clear day
Oh Mother, Oh Mother, Oh Mother...

College

2010-01-20T22:24:00.004+08:00

Lately I've been hard to reach
I've been too long on my own
Everybody has their private world
Where they can be alone

Are you calling me?
Are you trying to get through?
Are you reaching out for me?
I'm reaching out for you

Ok this is like the 10th time I've open my blogger typed something than exited the site. I promised myself I'd get something out and I'm trying to do that. I can't believe my last main post was about SPM. Haha I didn't even blog about the joys after. Hahaha so what to blog about? Aisyah suggested to blog about college life and I shall try my best.

I'm just so fucking depressed
I just can't seem to get out this slump
If I could just get over this hump
But I need something to pull me out this dump

I took my bruises, took my lumps
Fell down and I got right back up
But I need that spark to get psyched back up
And in order for me to pick the mic back up

I don't know how or why or when
I ended up this position I'm in
I'm starting to feel dissin' again
So I decided just to pick this pen

Up and try to make an attempt to vent
But I just can't admit
Or come to grips with the fact that I may be done with rap
I need a new outlet

And I know some shit's so hard to swallow
But I can't just sit back and wallow
In my own sorrow but I know one fact
I'll be one tough act to follow

Well college has been on for about 3 weeks and yet it feels like it's been a month or more. Good thing, bad thing I dunno. I guess it's a good thing because maybe it's cause I am comfortable in a new environment so fast. A bad thing cause maybe I'm already bored with this new 'thrill'. In all honesty there is nothing so special about college like what we expected back in secondary school. It's like there's no real difference with school. More like a giant tuition class. I mean it's great no one cares anout how early we are for class but still... I always couldn't wait for all the clubs and activities but now I don't feel like joining any because of our packed schedule. But what kind of college life would it be without clubs and activities?

One tough act to follow
I'll be one tough act to follow
Here today, gone tomorrow
But you'd have to walk a thousand miles

In my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what it'd be like

To feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each others' minds
Just to see what we'd find
Look at shit through each others' eyes

Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked, just stay true to you
So don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked, just stay true to you

Haha on a side note there are absolutely no cute guys in my class. WTH? I mean were a few potential guys but they moved to a different class. The rest of the guys are all extremely quiet or/and are the typical chinese school students (not that I have a problem with them but they're not my type). I remember on the first day I met this extremely cute mat salleh (a bit short but who cares) and I was like that's him! That's the guy I've been waiting for. Haha (yea right I didn't even know his name what more what's he like) He kept walking up and down between the A-Levels and CIMP counters and I was like 'Dei make up your mind already!' and my heart was like 'A-levels; A-levels; A-levels' Haha he ended up in CIMP anyway and until this very day I can't find him. There are many mat sallehs whom I see everyday but I can't find the one I spotted on the first day. WTH Where did he run off to? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! Meh he probably has a girlfriend anyway. He's too cute not to have one. What would he want with a girl like me right?

I think I'm starting to lose my sense of humor
Everything's so tense and gloom
I almost feel like I gotta check
The temperature of the room

Just as soon as I walk in, it's like all eyes on me
And so I try to avoid any eye contact
'Cause if I do that then it opens the door
For conversation, like I want that

I'm not looking for extra attention
I just wanna be just like you
Blend in with the rest of the room
Maybe just point me to the closest restroom

I don't need no fucking man servant
Trying to follow me around and wipe my ass
Laugh at every single joke I crack
And half of 'em ain't even funny like

Ha! Marshall you're so funny man
You should be a comedian, god damn!"
Unfortunately I am
I just hide behind the tears of a clown

So why don't you all sit down
Listen to the tale I'm about to tell
Hell, we don't gotta trade our shoes
And you ain't gotta walk no thousand miles

Haha I still say girl. Until now I can't seem to comprehand that we are turning 18 this year. WTH? No matter how I look at it I can't be that mature; that old. I mean in some ways I have to admit I am mature for my age (yea like an old lady) so how can I not feel old? I mean in some (miniscule) ways, in three months plus I would be an adult. Me? Yea right. I feel no different that the girl who came in wide-eyed (yea right) into secondary school. In some ways I feel that I have long thrown her away and in some ways I am her. Maybe a more bitter, angry and cynical (but definitely happier) version of her but yea still her. Is this what life is about? Going through the ages and feeling no different but looking back, you just realize 'wait, I'm not her anymore. I'm not that naive girl.' and then you just realize that life isn't anything special and yet it's beautiful all the same.

In my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what it'd be like

To feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each others minds
Just to see what we'd find
Look at shit through each others eyes

Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked, just stay true to you
So don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked, just stay true to you

No one in my church believed I was outgoing in my school and no one in my school believed I was an introvert at my church. At first I thought that I did it because church held no interest for me then I realized that I was the same. I see myself in college and I realize that I'm no different than how I am in church and yet I can talk like there's no tommorow. So...what changed? What was it about school that made me so extroverted. Yea to those reading my blog (though they're mostly my schoolmates), do you think I'm an extrovert or an introvert? I know people can be a mixture of both but in the end you have to sit on one side. I mean in all personality tests I always assumed I was extroverted and so got my results as such, but then as I actually surveyed my life I feel mroe like an introvert and suddenly all my results have changed. I mean of course, in the end personality tests are based on how you see yourself so that is to be expected. And then as I went on I wondered, how can you be an extrovert if you lean towards anti-socialism and it's like 'who the hell am I?'

Nobody asked for life to deal us
With these bullshit hands we're dealt
We gotta take these cards ourselves
And flip 'em, don't expect no help

Now I could've either just sat on my ass
And pissed and moaned
Or take this situation in which I'm placed in
And get up and get my own

I was never the type of kid
To wait by the door and pack his bags
I sat on the porch and hoped and prayed
For a dad to show up who never did

I just wanted to fit in
Every single place, every school I went
I dreamed of being that cool kid
Even if it meant acting stupid

And Edna always told me
Keep making that face and it'll get stuck like that
Meanwhile I'm just standing there
Holding my tongue tryna talk like that

'Til I stuck my tongue on that frozen stop sign pole
At 8 years old
I learned my lesson then
'Cause I wasn't trying to impress my friends no more

But I already told you my whole life story
Not just based on my description
'Cause where you see it, from where you're sittin
It's probably 110% different

I guess we would have to walk a mile
In each others shoes at least
What size you wear? I wear 10's
Let's see if you can fit your feet

Haha why is it that all my posts end up so damn emo? Haha I guess it's not called Pits of Depression for nothing. Haha ok lar so proud of my long post. I hope it makes up for my hiatus. Haha If I'm in the mood I might post another entry in about an hour's time. Haha I reviewed Star Trek and Harry Potter. I feel that I owe Sherlock Holmes the same thought. Haha ciao then

In my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what it'd be like

To feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each others minds
Just to see what we'd find
Look at shit through each others eyes

Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked just stay true to you
So don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked just stay true to you

So don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked just stay true to you
So

PS I love this song. Haha the only rapper I'll ever admit to loving.

Lately I've been hard to reach
I've been too long on my own
Everybody has their private world
Where they can be alone

Are you calling me?
Are you trying to get through?
Are you reaching out for me?
I'm reaching out for you

Yeah, to my babies
Stay strong, daddy will be home soon

And to the rest of the world
God gave you shoes to fit you
So put 'em on and wear 'em
Be yourself man, be proud of who you are
Even if it sounds corny
Don't ever let anyone tell you you ain't beautiful

2010-01-16T21:31:00.002+08:00

Hahaha looks like I'm going to write this post on absolutely nothing. I would just like to apologize to everyone who have followed my blog for a lack of update. It seems that I just have lost all mood for writing. Not just my blog, any writing in general and that just saddens me. I love to write and I don't know where this lack of spirit came from. Writer's block maybe. So anyway just wanted to wish everyone a very belated Christmas and Happy New Year.

2010-01-16T21:25:00.004+08:00

The BBC believes most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books here. How do your reading habits stack up?
Instructions: Look at the list and put an ‘x’ after those you have read. Tag other book nerds.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien X
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling X
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible (this counts? but i dun think i've read the whole book. XD)
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens X (I dun remember what's it about)
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller -
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare -
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams (I would if Aisyah actually gives it to me >_>)
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll (Yuck it's like the writer's on speed)
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy -
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis X (haha stopped somewhere at the 6th book haha)
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis X
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett X
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Inferno – Dante (Does the summary count? XD)
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens X
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle X (Haha reading now. Nowhere halfway through but who cares)
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare X
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl X
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo (Haha does a few pages count?)

Haha 10 out of 100 that's dissapointing.

2009-11-26T23:00:00.004+08:00

Just for Laughs

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods..

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't DisguiseYour Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana

6. Finish All Your sentences with'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.

7. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

8. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

9. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

10. Sing Along At The Opera.

11. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

12. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

13. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream'I Won! I Won!'

14. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

15. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

16. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity .

Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile.

It's Called ... THERAPY

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.

Whoever said, "Nothing's impossible," never tried slamming a revolving door.

One out of four people is insane. Look at three of your friends. If it's not them, it's you.

What you're looking for is always in the last place you look" Well, DUH, smart one! After you find it, you stop looking!

Whose cruel idea was it to put "S" in the word "Lisp"?

Words and Thoughts to live by--

~A day without sunshine is like...night.

~On the other hand, you have different fingers.

~42.7 percent of statistics are made up on the spot.

~Remember, half the people you know are below average.

~He who laughs last thinks slowest.

~The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

~How many of you believe in physokineses? Raise my hand. (I FINALLY GOT IT!)

~OK. . .so what's the speed of dark?

~When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

~Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

~Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have any film.

~Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

~Eagles may soar, but bunnies don't get sucked into jet engines.

~Why do psychics have to ask your name?

~Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

~Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Tag

2009-11-26T22:52:00.003+08:00

This is the stupid test! 100 stupid things that people do! Bold the ones that apply to you! 38/100 apply to me.

1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out
2. Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails
3. Broken a chair by leaning back in it
4. Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking
5. Choked on your own spit while you were talking
6. Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not/or had had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head
7. Been caught staring at your crush by your crush him/herself
8. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand
9. Tried to push open a door that said pull
10. Tried to pull open a door that said push
11. Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love potion
12. Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else
14. Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave
15. Have gotten gum stuck in your hair

16. Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble
17. Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it
18. Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard
19. Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name
20. Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot
21. Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on
22. Have fallen out of a moving vehicle.
23. Have run into a closed door
24. Have almost shot someone with a real gun while trying to shoot something else
25. Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it
26. It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke
27. Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer
28. Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan
29. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk
30. Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock
31. After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it
32. Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside
33. Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else
34. Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property
35. Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc on purpose even though you knew it was hot
36. Picked out your change of clothes, took off the ones you had on and then accidentally put the old clothes back on
37. Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in
38. Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard
39. Walked into a pole
40. Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident
41. Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house
42. Tried to take a picture of your/someone's eye with the flash on
43. Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small
44. Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it
45. Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there forgot what is was that you were going to do.
46. Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it
47. Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up
48. Have poked yourself in the eye
49. Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on
50. Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair
51. Have done enough stupid things to make a test
52. Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil
53. Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it
54. Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was.
55. Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were
56. Looked into an overhead light purposefully while it was on
57. Got up early and got ready for school/work/meeting, then realized that you didn't have school/work/meeting that day.
58. Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it
60. Have ever laughed at a joke or movie that no one else thought was funny

61. Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa
62. Said funner, then had someone make fun of you for it
63. Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence
64. Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person
65. Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one or because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side
66. Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions
67. Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong
68. Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it
69. Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out.
70. Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught
71. When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face
72. Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb
73. Ran into a door jam
74. Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid
75. Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it
76. Have purposely licked playground sand
77. Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band
78. Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't
79. Have been so hyper you actually scared people
80. Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would pull your hairs out
81. Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off
82. Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again
83. Sat and wondered why men’s dress shirts have a loop on the back.
84. Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about
85. Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair
86. Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone
87. Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked weird
88. When at a restaurant/cafeteria, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people
89. Have flung forks at people in a restaurant/cafeteria
90. Sucked on a cup and got a hickey from it.
91. As you were writing, you moved your head back and forth with your pen/pencil
92. Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them
93. Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper
94. Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours
95. Started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story
96. When you saw a ‘beware of dog’ sign, you told the owners to beware of the dogs not realizing they owned the dogs
97. You have spelled your own name wrong before
98. When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling.
99. Have used your calculator as a form of communication in class
100. Have popped a balloon in your mouth.

SPM Blues

2009-11-20T01:06:00.003+08:00

0_0 So I have just went through the first week of our wonderful Spm exams. I'm angry with myself for not studying earlier and harder but what's done is done. Well hell has just begun for me as now I have to suffer throught Bible Knowledge but I WILL get through this. I have no choice. Well I guess my dreams of full scholarship has pretty much flushed down the drain.

The Bm karangan wasn't exactly hard this time around but then I can't really string a bm sentence together without making at least 10 grammatical errors so I'm rather freaked out. The paper 2 wasn't so bad. Not as hard as the other papers but...still scared. Sejarah paper 1 was quite hard and complicating. I didn't know most of the answers for especially form 5 so I'm scared. I want to check my answers but I don't want to spoil my mood.

English was well english. Again easier than the other tests though I'm not very sure about the last novel question but I did what I could. I mean throughout the book no one really had a hard decision to make. Kino and Juana decided things like pop and they do it. There wasn't a part in the book where they were like should I do this? Should I not do this? Most people answered Kino throwing the Pearl into the sea as a hard decision. His son died because of the Pearl. he didn't need to think twice. He just threw the thing into the sea. Hard decision? I don't think so. Another posibility is when Juana tries to throw the Pearl into the sea. It may have been a hard decision if I were in her place. BUT we are not told the story from her point of view. We do NOT know what she was thinking so technically that is a faulty answer. Maybe I'm overanalysing everything but that's how I see it.

Englsih essay. I'm pretty satisfied with my report. The usual; nothing really special. The long essay however... I mean getting an A+ for English no problem but it doesn't mean I won't give 150% in the exam. I don't think that I did. As I left the exam hall, I didn't feel the euphoria I usually felt for finishing a story. It was like meh. I think I was rather disappointed by it. They wasn't anything outstanding about it. It was pretty average and average is not good enough for me. Maybe because people repeatedly told me to tone down for the exam so I did. I think it was a wrong decision for me. I mean my writing is nothing special. That's a fact. I mean I have the command of the language but nothing too flowery. So I have to rely on the plot to carry my story. Did I make a mistake? Did i just lose my A+ for 1119? I don't know. I have never truly been disappointed by my essays before. In fact I had half a mind to tear the paper in the exam hall and redo it but there wasn't enough time.

I have given up on an A for Sejarah. Subjective I had very little problem with after coaxing the Holy Spirit for a bit. But the essays man.... I didn't remember a thing. The whole of my third question was semua tembak and I got all wrong for that so there goes 20 marks. I don't trust the rest of the questions either. So I can only pray that the grade will be pulled down or I will get my very own B.

Ok ciao guys. Need to rest a while before continuing my studies tommorow. Hopefully Lite teacher will get a clue and not give us so much work.

2009-10-10T18:25:00.001+08:00

For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (RED the ones you are.)
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.

I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that’s how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
Im a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
Im a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.
Im STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks

I’m ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.

I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian

I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I like marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake
I DON"T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems

2009-10-07T00:57:00.002+08:00

I woke up it was 7
I waited till 11
Just to figure out that no one would call
I think i got a lot of friends but I don't hear from them
What's another night all alone?
When your spending everyday on your own
And here it goes

Oh...it's so annoying when you want to write something but it involves too many people that I can't write it. It's just begging to come out but... nah I can't...too dangerous. I'm being too open about what I write, these things must be kept inside...It's so tempting though trying to get people to understand the person inside. Argh! Enough!!!

I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
Having more fun than me
Tonight...

So I think I got pretty decent marks for trials. Not so bad...I know I could have done better but what the hell man. No point emoing about it. I'm pretty surprised with my Lite marks. Didn't expect to get an A but hey I got it. I'm pretty disappointed with my English marks but whatever lar I don't care anymore. Paper 2 was probably too careless or something. I'm so angry with m
yself. Paper 1...no comment. I'm just confused but whatever lar. I'm pretty worried about the whole A+ thing. I know it's just some government bullshit. Stupid assholes who have nothing better to do with their lives.

And maybe when the night is dead, I'll crawl into my bed
Staring at these 4 walls again
I'll try to think about the last time, I had a good time
Everyone's got somewhere to go
And they're gonna leave me here on my own and here it goes

Oh yea I can't believe I forgot all about this. Nice to have you back Helen. You too Jason, hope you are doing well. You guys gave me a scare but it's all well and done. Lol the class has become way too quiet withot you guys. So sorry I didn't see either of you in the hospital. I got the news pretty late. XD

I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
Having more fun than me

Stupid thing is still bugging me. Argh!!!

What the fuck is wrong with me?
Don't fit in with anybody
How did this happen to me?
Wide awake I'm bored and I can't fall asleep
And every night is the worst night ever

I'm just a kid [repeat x5

The Super Junior madness is driving me up the wall.It's so annoying. Who cares about a bunch a Korean guys? Korean guys are just so not hot. The only Korean guys I can stand are those from America. (Yea Ais you know who I'm talking about) What kind of a band has more than 10 members? Even 7 members are too many for me. More than 10? There is just nothing appealing about them. Pik Ee I understand. For some reason Koreans are her thing. Bleargh! Syiks I'll never understand. Why Koreans? Japs are so much better.

I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
Nobody wants to be alone in the world.

Wow I just noticed the sequel to Liar Game was coming out really soon. Like in the middle of SPM. Shit!!! I can't wait. The hero is so damn handsome (so much better than Siwon). Doesn't need to be a pretty boy to look good. Squeeeeeeeeee!!! Though i wonder how they are going to go about the story since they already ended pretty well in the first series. Haha we'll see.

I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
Nobody wants to be alone in the world
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
Having more fun than me tonight

I'm all alone tonight
Nobody cares tonight
Cause I'm just a kid tonight

2009-08-22T15:23:00.002+08:00

Small town homecoming queen
She's the star in this scene
There's no way to deny she's lovely
Perfect skin, perfect hair
Perfumed hearts everywhere
Tell myself that inside she's ugly
Maybe I'm just jealous
I can't help but hate her
Secretly I wonder if my boyfriend wants to date her

Urgh! Trials are in about a weeks time. I should be studying but meh... It's annoying when I just have this sudden burst of depression. Not upset mind you just rather sudden bursts of helplessness and sadness. Maybe it's the exams coming up but I dunno. Sometimes I can pin the blame on something or rather like bitches or trust issues or just the whole I hate my life thing. The thing is I'm ok sometimes or when I should be angry I'm just blargh! It's annoying.

She is the prom queen I'm in the marching band
She is a cheerleader I'm sitting in the stands
She gets the top bunk I'm sleeping on the floor
She's Miss America and I'm just the girl next door

I always had some sort of plan after SPM. Lepak kau kau until the results came out (maybe a part-time job). Maybe a chance to go Australia. NS has ruin it. Those idiots can't even tell us when is our batch so I can join a college that clashes wih the time. Right now I'm like WTH am I suppose to do. I can't compare scholarships if I want to go for the January intake as most of them are after SPM results. I may not even get a chance to go Australia because of all this confusion. I feel so... dragged... like everything has spun out of control.

Senior class president
She must be heaven sent
She was never the last one standing
A backseat debutaunt
Everything that you want
Never to harsh or too demanding
Maybe I'll admit it
I'm a little bitter
Everybody loves her but I just wanna hit her

I see my friends and I dread the end of the year. What are the chances of us keeping in touch after the school year ends? Maybe Pik Ee, Aisyah, Kuan Ngee, still will contact I don't know lar... But what about the rest Helen, Sarah, Syikin, Lets, Steph, the boys etc. It does feel like we won't see each other again no matter what anyone says. I know I'll miss everyone so much and yet...People say lets move to another chapter... but why must we leave everyone behind?

She is the prom queen I'm in the marching band
She is a cheerleader I'm sitting in the stands
She gets the top bunk I'm sleeping on the floor
She's Miss America and I'm just the girl next door
Oh and I'm just the girl next door

Haha that's about it guys. Enjoy the holidays and good luck for trials. Miss you guys.

I don't know why I'm feeling sorry for myself
I spend all my time wishing that I was someone else

She is the prom queen I'm in the marching band
She is a cheerleader I'm sitting in the stands
I get a little bit, she gets a little more
She's Miss America and... she's Miss America
I'm just the girl next door...

2009-08-19T13:39:00.002+08:00

Wow, did you know in Japan they actually ask each other their blood type when dating, business, etc. They say that blood types hold peoples personality. After searching it I had to agree.

Type A

People with blood type A have a deep-rooted strength that helps them stay calm in a crisis when everyone else is panicking. However, they tend to avoid confrontation, and feel very uncomfortable around people. A types are shy and sometimes withdrawn. They seek harmony and are very polite, but all the same feel that they never really fit in with others. A types are very responsible. If there is a job to be done, they prefer to take care of it themselves. These people crave success and are perfectionists. They are also very creative, and the most artistic of all the blood types, most likely because of their sensitivity.

Are usually composed and mild-tempered most of the time and is reliable and trustworthy. They may suppress their own emotions and appear strong, but they also have a fragile and nervous side as well. Because they are constantly trying to make themselves ideally what they think they should be, they are usually hard on others who are not of the same nature. These people tend to be surrounded by people of their same temperament.

Type A – The Farmer

calm

patient

sensitive

responsible

overcautious

stubborn

unable to relax

Famous A’s (ewwwwwwwww)

Adolf Hitler

George Bush Senior

Soseki Natsume

Ringo Starr

Britney Spears

Compatible with As and ABs

Anime Characters with A blood type

Yagami Light (Death Note)
Mello (Death Note)
Mikami Teru (Death Note)
Genjyo Sanzo (Saiyuki)
Yuffie Kisaragi (Final Fantasy VII/Advent Children)
Vincent Valentine (Final Fantasy VII/Advent Children)
Irvine Kinneas (Final Fantasy VIII)
Quistes Trepe (Final Fantasy VIII)

Irvine Kinneas Final Fantasy VIII

2009-07-26T19:14:00.002+08:00

Draco In Leather Pants Syndrome

Hahahaha it seems it's official that i have the syndrome. Ok...What is it? The definition is pretty much when a fandom takes a controversial or downright villainous character and downplays his flaws, often turning him into an object of desire in the process.

Sounds familiar? So me. I mean come on Draco IS the most obvious example. This is a quote from Arizona Bay which pretty much explains it.

"I tell you, Satan's gonna have no trouble taking over here 'cause all the women are gonna say: 'What a cute butt.' 'He's Satan!' 'You don't know him like I do.' 'He's the Prince of Darkness!' 'I can change him.'"

Believe me, I've said/thought most of those things. Seriously Lucifer is the ultimate victim of the DiLP Syndrome.

Examples of my poor victims from tvtropes.org:-
Bleach Ok Bleach has way too many DiLP characters.
1) Ichimaru Gin - Evil asshole in every way and yet sigh...Perfect
2) Grimmjow - Definitely a jerk...Haven't decided I liked him yet but if I do DiLP

God Child
1) Cain - I don't think he is a jerk at all nor deserving of this title but still...Sigh
2) Jizabel - Ok how can you want to make your brother suffer so much just because daddy pays more attention to him? Seriously bastard of the highest account and I love him.

Comic Books
1) Lex Luthor - Blame Smallville but still Lex is all for me, asshole or not.
2) Dr Doom - Ok this guy confused me for the longest time but Julian just sealed the deal for me.

Hellboy 2
1) Prince Nuada - Not really. He was a bit annoying to me but I never really saw him as an asshole but I just can't stand the hints of twincest.

Heroes
1) Sylar - I never really loved him before but definitely enjoyed his (lick) sexual appeal.
2) Adam - Hmm...tvtropes.org never classified him but I guess he is since he does have a couple assholic moments.

Charmed
1) Cole - Julian...you spoil me dear.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer
1) Pre-soul Spike - Spikey stay away from that Slayer-bitch. You deserve so much better.

Final Fantasy 7
1) Sephiroth - Draco of all Dracos. Sigh

Heroes
1) Sylar - I never really loved him before but definitely enjoyed his (lick) sexual appeal.
2) Adam - Hmm...tvtropes.org never classified him but I guess he is since he does have a couple assholic moments.

Last but not least:-
Everyone one Alan Rickman has ever played!!!
Alan Rickman rocks as an actor and I have so idea why but even the villians are all so yummy. Allllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnn

2009-07-23T00:07:00.002+08:00

Spoiler Alert! For those of you who don't want to spoil Harry Potter 6, Then don't read.

Ok I just watched Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince and seriously I thought in some ways it was better than the previous craps. Ok there were things I didn't like but we'll get to that later. What I loved about Harry Potter: Tom Felton. Seriously OMG he played Draco so well even I'm in awe. I mean reading the book, i mean we get that Draco's a child he shouldn't do this and all that but Tom Felton convinced me that he was a 16 year old boy. One year younger than I am. he shouldn't have to go through this crap. When he broke down in the toilet I felt wow, he never meant to hurt Kate and the Dark Lord is seriously asking way too much of it. Tom Felton convinced me of this more than JK Rowling ever could.

I did not, however like the fight scene in the bathroom. Too much boom. I mean seriously, it was obvious they were both aiming to kill and that was a bit too much. I did not feel the OMG Draco! that I did when I read the book (even for the 5th time). It was so meh. Boo hoo he's bleeding so what? That in my opinion was disappointing.

Ok what else... Alan Rickman was brilliant as usual, that goes without saying. However, the one thing I do not like about it was the loss of Severus' temper. If anything, I think that that is Severus' biggest flaws. His temper and his ability to hold grudges. With no offence to the brilliant Sir Alan Rickman, I am very disappointed with the loss of this flare. I mean I LOVE tortured Snape. I mean that IS how I envisioned it but the temper...I dunno...without the temper, something is missing. Ah yes...another thing, when Snape murdered Dumbledore, can anyone else say Obvious Much that Severus is good? Seriously, the book, there was the obvious parts but it even put a fear in the deepest fans hearts. 'Is Severus Snape good?' The movie did not even let us question that. It was so obvious that Snape wanted no part of it, not even a little like a spy showing his true colours.

I absolutely hated Remus and Tonks in this one. 'Come on Darling'. WHAT? When did they get together? How could they just slam them together without any scenes or proof? OMG how could they just do that. Remus and Tonks are spoiled in my eyes forever.

I think the scene where Dumbledore had to drink the potion was just bloody brilliant. Seriously, no truer accuracy and finally Michael Gambon redeemed himself as Albus Dumbledore. The over-dramatism was gone. He wasn't as calm as the first one but good enough.

I hated the burning of the Burrow. It served no purpose but to provide action in the story. Why add that and take away the battle at Hogwarts? I think that would worked so much better. The scene where everyone was at the Hospital Wing and Harry tells them what happened was something that should not have been left out. That could have seriously worked wonderfully.

Horace Slughorn...nothing special...kinda from the book so there's nothing to say... Lavander...annoying but hey, that's the book.

Ah yes...the whole stupid movie... Ok I hated the fact they just spoon-fed us the information from the start. I mean why did they have to tell everyone about the cupboard? Granted it gave draco more screen time but it didn't let the audience question WTH was going on. Why did they make it so obvious that Dumbledore was Draco's target? Why could they let the audience think. I think that is the biggest disappointment. Everything was spoon fed I didn't even need to use my brain.

Romance was all kinda good lar. The Harry/Ginny thing a bit too much since Ginny was still dating Dean. Lying cheat but it wasn't so bad. Emma did a wonderful job without sounding whinny like the previous movies. However everytime Harry comforted her the song 'Gay Boyfriend' wouldn't stop playing in my head.

All in all not so bad, but I still rather have a change of director. I'm praying now they won't get rid of the Penisieve scene in book 7. Good night!

2009-07-11T03:29:00.003+08:00

Tag 10 people after you're done!

1. smoked.
2. consumed alcohol.
3. slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex.
4. slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex.
5. kissed someone of the same sex.
6. had sex.
7. had someone in your room other than family.
8. watched porn.
9. bought porn.
10. tried drugs.
#MY TOTAL: 1

1. taken painkillers.
2. taken someone else's prescription medicine.
3. lied to your parents.
4. lied to a friend.
5. snuck out of the house.
6. done something illegal.
7. felt hurt.
8. hurt someone.
9. wished someone to die.
10. seen someone die.
#MY TOTAL: 5

1. missed curfew.
2. stayed out all night.
3. eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself.
4. been to a therapist.
5. received a ticket.
6. been to rehab.
7. dyed your hair.
8. been in an accident.
9. been to a club.
10. been to a bar.
#MY TOTAL: 2

1. been to a wild party.
2. been to a Mardi Gras parade.
3. drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night.
4. had a spring break in Florida.
5. sniffed anything.
6. wore black nail polish.
7. wore arm bands.
8. wore t-shirts with band names.
9. listened to rap.
10. owned a 50 Cent CD.
#MY TOTAL: 1

1. dressed gothic.
2. dressed girly.
3. dressed punk.
4. dressed grunge.
5. stole something.
6. been too drunk to remember anything.
7. blacked out.
8. fainted.
9. had a crush on a neighbor.
#MY TOTAL: 3

1. had a crush on a friend.
2. been to a concert.
3. dry-humped someone.
4. been called a slut.
5. called someone a slut.
6. installed speakers in your car.
7. broken a mirror.
8. showered at someone of the opposites sex's house.
9. brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush.
#MY TOTAL: 1

1. consider/considered Ludacris your favorite rapper.
2. seen an R-rated movie in theater.
3. cruised the mall.
4. skipped school.
5. had surgery.
6. had an injury.
7. gone to court.
8. walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping.
9. caught something on fire.
10. lied about your age.
#MY TOTAL: 6

1. owned/rented an apartment/house.
2. broke the law in the police's presence.
3. made out with someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend.
4. got in trouble with the police.
5. talked to a stranger.
6. hugged a stranger.
7. kissed a stranger.
8. rode in the car with a stranger.
9. been harassed.
10.been verbally harassed.
#MY TOTAL: 1

1. met face-to-face with someone you met online.
2. stayed online for 5+ hours straight.
3. talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight.
4. watched TV for 5 hours straight.
5. been to a fair.
6. been called a bad influence.
7. drink and drive.
8. prank-called someone.
9. laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex.
10. cheated on a test.
#MY TOTAL: 4

Grand Total: 24 -- I'm average

If You Have Less Than 10: write [I'm a Goody Goody]
If You Have More Than 10: write [I'm still a goody goody]
If You Have more Than 20: write [I'm average]
If You Have More Than 30: write [I'm a bad kid]
If You have more than 40: write [I'm a very bad influence]
If You Have more than 50: write [I'm a horrible person]
If You Have more than 60: write [I should be in jail]
If You Have more than 70: Write [I should be dead]

2009-07-09T22:46:00.003+08:00

Happy Birthday Aisyah!

Wow, can't believe it's been 11 years since we've met. Haha I feel really old now. Enjoy your birthday and Good Luck in SPM.

Wow ok, way too many things to blog about today. I have this stupid flu/cough/sore throat/headache that's getting on my nerves. So I'm skipping school for 2 days.Ok partly because I'm lazy but still...

Ok I'm posting a warning here. While not as emo as my last post, this might be interpreted as racist, cynical and angry (I'm perfectly calm now) so for those of you who are small hearted (haha direct translation) then please don't read. Ok so I'm watching the Michael Jackson funeral and they were singing the songs promoting World Peace like We are the Children and Heal the World. They are talking about World Harmony and all that crap and it got me thinking is World Peace truly achievable. I mean everyone is racist. Whether a little or alot. Hell all my friends are racist. I don't think you could even name one who wasn't. It's just the degree or level of racistness. ( That is so not a word.)

I happily admit I'm racist. I hate the bunch of people who rule my country but it doesn't mean I stay away from them or do hate crimes. Hell, in form 1 almost all my friends were malay. However they prove to me why I don't like these people. It's not that I don't give them a chance it's how it is.

Ok back to the subject. I have no idea how bad is racism in America right now but I'll just assume that they are better than us (At least they have a voice.) Now I'm not saying that TV is law but I'm sure that there is certain truth in it. Now whenever a white person kills a black person, the community accuses him of being racist. If the court can't pin it on the man, the whole black (& minorities) assume they the judge or jury are racist. Again I'm assuming that the racist conditions between black and whites are better than ours after all that crap they've been through. I mean there are those racist people but aren't the blacks being racist as well? There may not be wars, but how long will it take for the community not to look at color? Don't get me wrong, I know it's not the blacks fault, it's been embedded in their mindset. Just like in this country. The malays have the mindset that they deserve more then any other race. The chinese have the mindset that the malays are lazy pigs who get everything free. The indians think that they are being oppressed by everyone (but mostly the malays.)

Indians I know who I thought were these nice fellows began to show racism to the chinese. Then there are those mango chinese who have a problem with indians because they are black (like wth?). And of course my dear friend had a problem with Jesus being played by an Indian person in a play. Hello? Jesus wasn't chinese either. The best are the people fighting that Jesus IS their race. Hello? Jesus wasn't white or black or oriental or hispanic or arabian or jewish...wait...he was...

Malaysians aren't allowed to go to Israel because Israel is/was warring with Arab. This shouldn't have anything to do with us. We are Malaysians not Arabian descendants. (Er...I hope you understand what I mean by that) We are forced (malays mostly) to support Arab in the war just because they share the same religion. Israelites are not welcomed into our country. Hello? Wake up people. The war does not involve US it involves two parties who have been fighting forever for a piece of land that used to belong to Israel but now it belongs to Arab so get a grip people. You don't see Indonesia still trying to claim Malaysia because they used to own us. However I firmly believe that if it belongs to someone give it back. I find it pathetic that they are fighting for this 'Holy Land' when the Arabians already have their own Holy Place. Why fight? No offense to anyone but I firmly believe Jerusalem belongs to the Jews, they have lived there forever. The Muslims claim it is theirs because they claim they are God's chosen people. Hello? Christians and Jews claim that as well. (I believe we are all God's people) We are fighting for something that only God can decide.

I don't think I need to tell you about Malaysia I think you people know yourself how bad it is. If Malaysia can have true racial harmony, any country can. Ok that's about all I can think of writing. Can we heal the world? We can try. Can the world achieve World Peace? I'm sorry but I truly doubt it. I remember this one time we were doing a seni project with Aisyah and Li Chin and we were suppose to just to this mobile. I suggested that we take the sign of all the religions of the world and hang them together showing unity. They told me it was too controversial. Tell me, how can unity between religions be controversial? Is it because people rather have the supremacy of one?

2009-07-04T15:53:00.002+08:00

OMG So cute lar. Zhuge Liang was on par but while recognizable, Sima Yi doesn't look so accurate. Neither does Zhang He but he's chibi so no comment.

2009-07-02T16:28:00.002+08:00

BOYS NOT ALLOWED

Last Sunday I went to watch this play called Good Body...It was touching...life-changing (kinda). I can't explain what it is about maybe I should just post the intro

In the midst of a war in Iraq, in a time of escalating global terrorism, when civil liberties are disappearing as fast as the ozone layer, when one out of three women in the world will be beaten or raped in her life time, why write a play about my stomach?

Maybe because my stomach is one thing I feel I have control over, or maybe because I have hoped that my stomach is something I could get control over. Maybe because I see how my stomach has come to occupy my attention, I see how other women’s stomachs or butts or thighs or hair or skin have come to occupy their attention, so that we have very little left for the war in Iraq—or much else, for that matter.When a group of ethnically diverse, economically disadvantaged women in the United States was recently asked about the one thing they would change in their lives if they could, the majority of these women said they would lose weight. Maybe I identify with these women because I have bought into the idea that if my stomach were flat, then I would be good, and I would be safe. I would be protected.I would be accepted, admired, important,loved. Maybe because for most of my life I have felt wrong, dirty, guilty, and bad, and my stomach is the carrier, the pouch for all that self-hatred. Maybe because my stomach has become the repository for my sorrow, my childhood scars, my unfulfilled ambition,my unexpressed rage. Like a toxic dump, it is where the explosive trajectories collide—the Judeo-Christian imperative to be good; the patriarchal mandate that women be quiet, be less; the consumer-state imperative to be better, which is based on the assumption that you are born wrong and bad, and that being better always involves spending money, lots of money. Maybe because, as the world rapidly divides into fundamentalist camps, reductive sound bites, and polarizing platitudes, an exploration of my stomach and the life therein has the potential to shatter these dangerous constraints.

The Good Body began with me and my particular obsession with my “imperfect” stomach. I have charted this self-hatred, recorded it, tried to follow it back to its source. Here, I am my own victim, my own perpetrator. Of course, the tools of my self victimization have been made readily available. The pattern of the perfect body has been programmed into me since birth. But whatever the cultural influences and pressures, my preoccupation with my flab, my constant dieting, exercising, worrying, is self imposed.I pick up the magazines. I buy into the ideal. I believe that blond, flat girls have the secret. What is far more frightening than narcissism is the zeal for self-mutilation that is spreading, infecting the world.

I have been to more than forty countries in the last six years. I have seen the rampant and insidious poisoning: skin-lightening creams sell as fast as toothpaste in Africa and Asia; the mothers of eight-year-olds in America remove their daughters’ ribs so they will not have to worry about dieting; five-year-olds in Manhattan do strict asanas so they won’t embarrass their parents in public by being chubby; girls vomit and starve themselves in China and Fiji and everywhere; (Korean women remove Asia from their eyelids)I think of you Pik Ee. . . the list goes on and on.

I have been in a dialogue with my stomach for the past three years. I have entered my belly—the dark wet underworld—to get at the secrets there. I have talked with women in surgical centers in Beverly Hills; on the sensual beaches of Rio de Janeiro;in the gyms of Mumbai, New York, Moscow; in the hectic and crowded beauty salons of Istanbul, South Africa, and Rome. Except for a rare few, the women I met loathed at least one part of their body. There was almost always one part that they longed to change, that they had a medicine cabinet full of products devoted to transforming or hiding or reducing or straightening or lightening. Just about every woman believed that if she could just get that part right, everything else would work out. Of course, it is an endless heartbreaking campaign.

This play is my prayer, my attempt to analyze the mechanisms of our imprisonment, to break free so that we may spend more time running the world than running away from it; so that we may be consumed by the sorrow of the world rather than consuming to avoid that sorrow and suffering. This play is an expression of my hope, my desire, that we will all refuse to be Barbie, that we will say no to the loss of the particular, whether it be to a voluptuous woman in a silk sari, or a woman with defining lines of character in her face, or a distinguishing nose, or olive toned skin, or wild curly hair.

I am stepping off the capitalist treadmill. I am going to take a deep breath and find a way to survive not being flat or perfect. I am inviting you to join me,to stop trying to be anything, anyone other than who you are. I was moved by women in Africa who lived close to the earth and didn’t understand what it meant to not love their body. I was lifted by older women in India who celebrated their roundness. I was inspired by Marion Woodman, a great Jungian analyst, who gave me confidence to trust what I know. She has said that “instead of transcending ourselves, we must move into ourselves.”Tell the image makers and magazine sellers and the plastic surgeons that you are not afraid. That what you fear the most is the death of imagination and originality and metaphor and passion. Then be bold and LOVE YOUR BODY. STOP FIXING IT. It was never broken.

I started weeping around the bolded text. Mainly I blame PMS but yea I felt it. I understood exactly what they mean. I understood what it was like to think that things would be SO different if I was thinner, prettier, perfect. What is it like to love your body? Thin girls want to gain weight, fat girls want to lose it. Short girls want to grow taller, Tall girls wish they were shorter. It's a been there, done that formula. No one is ever happy. Why? It's disturbing to watch stick-thin girls starve themselves to lose weight when I see myself do nothing about mine. Guilty, dirty, bad. Those words always ring in my head when I look in the mirror. save to say I stopped looking. Until now I can't find a single thing I can like about myself.

I used to be proud I had big breasts. That's what people looked for right? My mother never failed to remind me how much bigger my breasts were from hers. Hello? You're not part Indian, I am. it's in the genes. Not only that, you weren't stuff with a shot-load of hormones from KFC. Then y'know people start talking. I can't remember who, but then someone casually mentioned to me once that chinese boys never like girls with big boobs. They find it too (can't remember the chinese word she used) showy or something. Ok it was obvious she was talking to me. Then of course we have people like Pik Ee and Celeste saying how big my breasts were. I remember telling Pik Ee about how chickens nowadays had hormones injected in them and that's why men were developing boobs. 'Oh looks like you ate too much chicken lar.' she answered. Ouch! Thanks alot Pik Ee. That was the boost of self-confidence I needed. Of course then we got Kuan Ngee and the chinese girls in our class bitching and making fun of Reka's enormous boobs. So yea now I officially HATE my breasts.

There was this one line in the play that I remembered so well and was pretty touched by. There was this 80 year old character talking about the numerous plastic surgeries she had done mainly because her mother always told her she was never beautiful and all that crap. They she said that her husband told her she was beautiful as she was. She said that didn't count because 'He loves me'. That's what I never understand. Parents say they love you so why can't they ever say you are perfect the way you are. Half of the people on Good Body were disturbed because of their parents. Why are they so caught up in this image thing as well? Friends. What does it matter if you are bigger, smaller, fatter, thinner than one another? It is not affecting them in any way. I remember Kuan Ngee bitched continuously in Form 3 & 4 about how fat Raihan was. What does it matter to her if Raihan was fat or not. She wasn't stealing your food or taking your place. What does it matter to her? People wonder why I don't feel safe around Kuan Ngee. God knows whether she is telling Pik Ee about how fat I am or how big my boobs are.

I remember telling myself after the play I wouldn't feel so insecure anymore. This is my life, not my parents, not my friends and definitely not the guy who may or may not take me for prom. Yea i woul love a boyfriend, but I don't need a guy to tell me how beautiful I am. Well, that's what I told myself. It's not that bad as before but dreams are tempting. I would give anything to be safe, protected, accepted, admired, important and most of all loved.

2009-06-27T15:21:00.002+08:00

R.I.P
Michael Jackson

Ok I was totally shock when I heard the news. I was seriously like WTF? I felt sad y'know that this guy, this artist is dead. However I can't say that Michael Jackson changed my life and all that crap. I mean when they were playing his songs throughout the day he dies I was like 'OMG MJ sang this not some random female'. But seriously I liked most of his songs but I never grew up with the music. Wrong time period. he was just the guy on TV who I kept 4gettin whether he Was a guy or a girl. With my 'mature' mind, the next I knew about him was that disgusting child molester. I was like, who cares if he's a great singer, he's a freakin pervert. Then again, it was then I realized that Hollywood was never beautiful. It was filled with 'ugly' people. So who was MJ to me? He was just that guy. That singer. The one Weird Al makes wonderful parodies of. I can just conclude that MJ meant very little to me. So can someone tell me why was I sad when he died? A reaction to death? I remember that ep on House where the Cutthroat Bitch was dying and everyone went to pay their respects. Kutner was like 'we didn't even like her'; Foreman answers 'She wasn't dying then.' Is that what death is? People will only wonder about you after you are dead. It was like this ad about Pope John Paul II I used to see. When he was alive no one knew him or cared about him or even bothered to listen to him. And yet when he died, he got so much attention. Everyone knew him. Everyone knew what he was preaching about. Is this life? is this death? Did I feel sad 4 MJ because he was dead? I never cared about him but I felt a trace of the pin his fans felt worldwide. Is this what it's like when someone dies?

2009-06-04T23:14:00.002+08:00

Hehe erm...nothing much to say so erm yea...

How well do you know me?

Yea it's this quiz everyone was doing on facebook. So yea, pretty easy for anyone who heard me rant in my life. So yea, try it out. Good luck guys